Reading Borough Council chiefs have slammed moves by Eric Pickles to remove the right to fine people for putting the wrong rubbish into recycling bins.

A leaked secret budget report has revealed the plans by the Labour administration to pay for their increased spending by fining residents for disposing of:

• Plastic bottles with sodium metabisulphate in the ingredients list
• Lib Dem focus leaflets
• Aluminium cans with more than 5ml of residual Tennants Super
• Heinz tin cans unless they are one of the original 57 varieties

The Government announcement has caused panic amongst officers who are now drawing up emergency plans to make up the shortfall caused by Mr. Pickles announcement.

Plans are now afoot to fill the consequent £3.5 million hole in the Council's finances and to compensate the Labour administration have brought forward plans to fine residents who walk across bus lanes, leave dog excrement in bins containing material that forensic tests prove to be digested Cesar dog food and who fly-tip in the silos of the Smallmead civic amenity site..

An additional emergency budget item will also see the introduction of a £10 processing fee for residents who write letters of complaint to the council.

We asked the Council Leader for her comments and she told us: "Why ask me? Whatever Mr Orton said."

It's apparently not just the Reading & District Labour Labour Party who expect everyone else to clear up after their mess. The unions appear to expect Streetcare to clear up their rubbish as well!

Doesn't the council have a policy for fining people abusing the public refuse bins?

[Photo: Civic Car Park Midday 01/12/2011]

[After thinking about it for a few moments, it's pretty much Labour's old message as well.]

UNIVERSITY AREA STUDY

Special Report for Labour Group

Dear Jan,

Thank you for your email to Highways entitled "Venice is Magic" received 31st October at 20:21.

Although we couldn't fathom out why you would want to do this, attached are the costs for turning Redlands into the Venice of Reading as you requested. We have also worked into the proposals Spray and Display charges you asked for to offset the costs. They come with a stern warning that flooding the ward like you wish could lead to a whole raft of problems

We have also prepared the orders to rename Eldon Square St. Marx Square.

Regards, RBC Highways Department

A popular Reading pub has been forced to change its name after being used by the Reading East Conservative Association as the base for their clandestine meetings on Friday nights. With feelings running high, the Caversham Liberation Army have been forced to go south of the river to avoid detection.

However, Mick Spreader discovered Rob Wilson, Dave Luckett, The Swaddles and Isobel Ballsdon at their regular Friday plotting session in the pub formerly known as The Moderation.

Click here to see secretly filmed video footage of the meeting.

Four perfect killers. One perfect crime.
Now all they have to fear is each other. 

Mr. White is trying to pull of the heist of the decade, stealing the Reading Tory party out from the grasp of the moderates.
But Mr. Brown is standing in his way.
Aided by the usual suspects (wrong film, Ed) and a trip to the Moderation this dark tale of mutual back stabbing, betrayal and self-destruction unfolds.

Mr Brown: I already told you I don't know anything about any fucking setup; you can torture me all you want.
Mr. Blue: Torture you? That's a good idea. I like that.

Mr. Orange was unavailable for filming as he was away on holiday topping up his tan.

Please can you remove the post on the Pepphard Conservative website that refers to Cllr Chowddarie being "deselected", "chopped" or "dumped". This sort of language is defamaTory. The correct terminology should be "shafted", "screwed-over" and "humiliated".

Your use of such language may lead constitutents to come to the conclusion that a hardworking ward councillor has been the victim of a right-wing cabal intent on taking over the local party for unspecified evil purposes. That is completely untrue. We have taken over the local constituency party for very well defined and specific evil purposes.

It is in the personal opinion of Richard Willis the view of the Reading East Junta that such comments are designed to let the public know what is really going on behind the scenes and we can't afford that to happen.

Please do not take this personally. My husband told me to write this email because he is too cowardly to be identified with stabbing you in the back.

I realise that I have copied it to the world and their dog and it is more than likely that a pissed off party member has sent this on to third parties but I shall hold you both personally responsible if any hint of this threat is made public.

Alison Swaddle
office@readingeastconservatives.com

Publishers note 11 Oct 2010: There appears be a severe case of satire imitating life going on here!

Dear Mick

"I wonder if you have a picture of Martin Salter appearing in a picture that the Reading Chronicle don't have to desperately run around trying to get the subject of the picture having to sign off retrospective permission slips."

Jane Sthewon

I can't see any children published without their parents pemission in this one.

If readers have any other pictures of local politicians they would like to see printed please get in touch at letters@muckspreading.com

Tory Candidate for May 2012

Reading East Conservatives

In a surprise move, the Reading East Conservative Association has deselected sitting Peppard ward councillor Jamie Chowdary.

Recriminations have already started as supporters of Councillor Chowdhary flock to join Reading West Conservatives and have given off the record briefings denouncing the deselection as cowardly.

Meanwhile, Reading East Conservatives have denied that this exodus will cause problems for them in the May elections. In another off the record briefing the two remaining members told us: "we can always bus in candidates from Wokingham and West Berkshire like we normally do."

Mr Chowdhary told friends of his shock at the deselection process telling them: "This isn't covered in the Conservative constitution. It clearly states that you must have committed a murder or gone shoplifting at M&S. Perhaps Richard Willis found an unpaid parking fine?"

An unnamed member of Reading East Conservatives told us: "Having a popular and hardworking Tory councillor standing in a ward like Peppard seems such a waste in a rotten ward like that so we decided to see if the folklore that we could pin a blue rosette on a donkey and still win was true."

Councillor Chowdhary has declined to make a public statement but muckspReading understands that he is considering an offer to move to Strasbourg to take up commentary on Reading politics under the blog title "Jamie's The One".

Dear muckspReading

"I was dismayed to hear that our beloved Martin Salter may have had his phone hacked ironically, given where he has been hiding out, by an Aussie. Are there any pictures of him celebrating discovering that he was not important enough to warrant such a disgraceful intrusion into his private conversations?"

Margaret Main 

We have checked with our paparazzi and discovered this picture of Martin in good spirits in RISC.

If readers have any other pictures of local politicians they would like printed please get in touch at letters@muckspreading.com

Dear muckspReading

"I wonder if you have any pictures of Brentford fan Martin Salter MP drowning his sorrows after Reading FC's defeat in the Championship play-off final at Wembley."

Andrew Fraser

It just so happens that we do have such a photo.

If readers have any other pictures of local politicians they would like printed please get in touch at letters@muckspreading.com

Dear muckspReading

"I miss the obligitory Martin Salter MP daily smile shot in the Post. I asked them to print a selection for old times sake but they didn't oblige. Has anyone got a favourite?"

Martin Carr

Happy to obligue Martin.

That's a bit remiss of the Post. Perhaps you should contact the Reading Chronicle who refused to publish an article that was critical of Martin Salter. You may find that they are more amenable to your request. 

If readers have any other pictures of local politicians they would like printed please get in touch at letters@muckspreading.com

Muckspreading has managed to hack into Jan Gavin's Flickr account and found more evidence of her unhealthy obsession with Daisy Benson.

We asked the orthographically challenged ex-teacher for her comments and she told us: "If only I had thought of the right words I could have hold on to your heart. If only I'd thought of the right words I wouldn't be breaking apart all my pictures of you."

You can find more of Jan's pictures at: Jan Spotting

John Ennis, Lead Councillor for Education and Children's Services, has spoken out about the perilous state of Reading's schools after he was quoted in an official council press release saying:

"Its great that Reading's schools have been received this funding from Arts Council England. Its important that children learn through creative project like this and I am sure the new outdoor learning space will be a great asset to the school." [Artistic Approach to Teaching]

After the grammatically challenged Council press release was revealed, Cllr Ennis was overheard speaking to colleagues and telling them that perhaps Labour's amendment to a Tory motion at last week's full council meeting was a little premature and that Reading needed to increase the number of grammar schools in order to teach councillors grammar. He also suggested that as well as more grammar schools, some spelling schools wouldn't go amiss.

A chastened John Ennis told us: "I've been given a damn good spanking by Labour's new strict headmistress Jan Gavin about me not speaking proper. Kept me in after class and smacked my knuckles with a ruler."

Labour's cut backs in the publicity department have also caused consternation among council staff after the use of apostrophes was banned in order to save ink. One unnamed staff member told us: "its terrible. dont they no wot effect itll has been on the quality of councils press releases?"

Donations to the Reading East and Reading West CLP on the Electoral Commission web site shows that in March £3,000 was donated by an unincorporated association that lists its address as:

Civic Centre
Reading
RG1 7AE

Yes, the Reading  Labour Group really does think that it owns the Council.

It was always suspected that this would happen but now there is official confirmation from www.reading.gov.uk that Reading Labour Party has killed off the council.

From the website www.reading.gov.uk at 9am on 14 June 2011:

Mystery surrounds the deal that saw the Greens hand over total power to the local Labour Party. We have a recording of Rob White's report back to the Green Party executive on his hard won deal.

Last week's agenda for Cabinet which according to the council's constitution has to be published five working days before the meeting consisted almost entirely of items "To follow" to allow the Labour Group to get items through without any public scrutiny.

As a public service Mick Spreader has rummaged in the bins outside the print room and found a more up to date copy.

The commemorative photographs of Reading's Mayor making have just been released.

muckspReading's photographer gets exclusive access to Gul Khan getting ready for the Borough Council's Annual Meeting.

Mick Spreader appears to have solved the baffling mystery disappearance of Green councillor Melanie Eastwood. The new Park ward councillor vanished shortly after the count on May 6th and hasn't been seen since. 

However, painstaking research by our investigative reporter has uncovered her hiding place.

Princess Melanie, Salacious B White and Jobba the Hutt meet to sign their agreement for the Greens to roll over on their backs and waggle their arms and legs in the air in exchange for bugger all.

Notes for Editors:

From Readipedia:

Jobba the Hutt

Jobba the Hutt exempliefies lust, greed, and gluttony. The character is known throughout Reading as a "vile gangster" who amuses herself by torturing and humiliating her subjects and enemies. She surrounds herself with scantily-brained lackies of all species, chaining many of them to her husband. 

Reading & District Labour Party are preparing their final push before the local elections.

An insider revealed:

"It's been a disappopinting campaign so far with our traditional barefaced lies not working as well as we hoped on the doorstep. However, we've just taken delivery of hundreds of dog whistles so our supporters will be staying up all night to learn the drill ready for election day.

"We have the old tried and tested smears well rehearsed, from plain old 'racist' to accusing opponents of being 'perverts'. The classics will always have a place in our pantheon. But this year we've decided to branch out and go for the Asian vote with straight forward homophobia. If it's looking too close to call, we've also got a set of paedophile taunts up our sleeve. You can never go too low if you want to win.

"On your dog whistle... ready... get set..."

For those less mobile, a postal vote counting party will be held in Redlands.

Reading Labour Party have been questioned about their manifesto commitments.

A CommonLibGreenCon AVE! spokesperson said: "How can anyone take their election commitments seriously when they even can't spell it let alone have any."

Opponents are now demanding that Labour admit that John Howarth, the man from Public Impact, architect of the one way IDR, the coward of Park ward and printer of cut price Labour leaflets comes clean and confirms that he's still pulling the strings behind the scenes.

If that is not the case the opposition are demanding an apology from Andy Burnham the Labour shadow minister for education during his visit to the town for the poor standards of education in Reading after 23 years of Labour control.

 One Labour insider told us: "We wouldn't mind the ridicule, but Public Impact charge us for proof-reading services".

For those of you who can't get enough of the local election campaign, muckspReading launches an invaluable service for local politicos and gossip seekers.

Rummaging around in the bins in Windsor Square we appear to have found an early draft of the Reading & District Labour Party's local election manifesto.

Beware of imitators.

Download PDF >> RLP Manifesto First Draft

Great evening canvassing on Hexham, lots of vote labour posters up and a great community atmosphere on the streets in the sunshine #rdg
8:33PM 20th April

• Lots of free parking
• Lots of money for the Pakistani community if they vote Labour
• Lots of money for nursery places
• Lots of money for universities
• Lots of new aircraft carriers
• Lots of new secondary schools
• Lots of money for RCRE (No questions asked)
• Lots of council tax money for poor hard up union officials (Are you sure about this? Ed)
• Free jet packs for all

The old and vulnerable have been told to look out for a gang of con-artists who have been seen wandering around central Reading peddling their wares.

Community groups have discovered that they have been cold calling on residents and have caused considerable alarm and distress to hundreds of people by telling them the sky is falling in and other scarey stories. If this fails they are also known to resort to begging for the fare for their long bus journey home to the other side of Reading.

Police have warned that they have a new scam in operation. "They steal things from you during the night then turn up at your front door, sympathising with your loss of money, blame it on travellers, then try to sell it back to you."

Grifter Warning

How to tell if you are being lied to - simply look for these tell tale signs: