Police have reacted to criticism after an illegal rave was raided by officers 11 hours after it started. More than 600 party-goers crammed into the Sita Security Shredding building on the Cardiff Road industrial estate on Saturday night. The rave started at 11pm, but wasn't raided until 10am the next morning.

Town centre inspector, Andy Bagnall told us: "We refute all suggestions that we were slow to act. It was a particularly busy night in Reading. Officers had to check out reports that a maple iced with sprinkles was on sale at Krispy Kreme and that tied up resources until forensics proved that it was just an ordinary chocolate iced with sprinkles. It took several hours to wash it down with Americanos.

"We also had to investigate a reported offence under Section 87 of the Environmental Protection Act 1990 and that again took several hours to track down the man who'd put some junk mail in a council litter bin, but the public can be reassured that a £50 fine will stop him doing that again.

"After such an exhausting night under European Work Directives, we all went of home for a kip whilst the town centre was being covered by a patrol from Hungerford. But residents can rest assured that breaking up the rave was the first thing on our 'to do list' on Sunday morning."

The Government have annnounced £425m to improve transport in Reading as part of a £515m station redevelopment scheme and transport consultants have already started planning their bonuses. The full plans are at the moment a top secret, but we have managed to sneak a look at them and asked Peter Baxter, head of Transport, to answer a few questions.

"Yes, it's true," he told us. "We're going bulldoze the station and build a brand spanking new state of the art one in Maidenhead. After all it's where Crossrail is going to start so it makes more sense to have the mainline interchange there. First Great Western have already promised a regular bus service from Reading to Maidenhead which should be more reliable than their trains. That leaves Reading Station to be rebuilt with just two platforms serving the new Peter Brett Park next to the Madejski."

WOMAD Warning:

Residents of Reading have been warned to be on the look out as bands of roaming councillors look set to descend on Rivermead this weekend and wander aimlessly about wondering where the festival is. People have been warned to be especially on the look out for Jon Hartley, who may approach people and attempt to give them 'a complimentary pass'.

Townsfolk have been assured that Reading Borough Council are looking at bringing another festival to Reading at council tax payers' expense to restore councillors' ligging rights and prevent future distressing scenes.

Squadron Leader Richard Willis, Rob Wilson's Chief of Staff, has revealed that the local MP is taking over from another local MP Boris 'Bonkers' Johnson as Shadow Higher Education Minister.

Fresh from flying his desk he told us: "Rob is pleased that as a product of comprehensive education he has been handed the role of speaking up for fellow party members who believe in extending the role of Grammar Schools, whilst no doubt the Right Honourable Member for Reading West with his Grammar School education will be persevering with his efforts to abolish Grammar Schools."

After three Lib Dem councillors in Bideford quit after a councillor was outed as a £75-a-pop topless stripogram, Reading Liberals are bracing themselves for a spate of resignations after it was revealed that Tilehurst councillor Chris Harris was touting himself as a female impersonator.

The failed candidate for Abbey ward told us: "It's no use denying it as anyone in The Retreat will tell you. A few ciders and he's off imitating Emma Nicholson. We just can't stop him. We're thinking of shipping him off to France."

Reading Festival will rock on as planned despite serious flooding in the campsite. Festival boss Melvin Benn insisted: "There is no question. Reading Festival will go ahead but I will have to look at booking some more bands to take account of the conditions. Nine Inch Whales and Riverboat Gamblers will still be playing but we have had to add Wet Wet Wet, The Waterboys, The Coral, The Weather Girls, British Sea Power and Marooned 5 to the line up just in case. However, we're not having Mudhoney back again after their 1992 fiasco. With a name like that they do seem to have an irrational fear of mud."

Extracts from the Reading Evening Post 30th May 2007

READING West MP Martin Salter has made a formal complaint against the council for releasing his letters about a neighbour’s dispute under the Freedom of Information Act.

Mr Salter spoke of the incident in the House without naming the local authority or the parties involved in the dispute. But now he has admitted it was Reading Borough Council and he has made a complaint to the Information Commissioner.

He wrote: “Since your comments are being used by those who refuse to acknowledge that MPs’ correspondence on behalf of constituents is at risk of disclosure under the Freedom of Information Act, I am today registering a formal complaint against Reading Borough Council for releasing my correspondence on behalf of my constituents...”

Extracts from a response from the Information Commissioner to whether 'Martin Salter MP has registered a complaint with [the ICO] alleging that a release of information by Reading Borough Council under the Freedom of Information Act contravened the Data Protection Act'. 25th July 2007

You have asked whether we have received a particular complaint from Martin Salter MP. It is our view that whilst details of complaints made by MPs apparently in their official capacity (either as elected members working on behalf of constituents or in their own right for broader political purposes) may well be subject to disclosure under the FOIA... Clearly, Mr Salter may make complaints to this office both in his official capacity and as a private individual.

"...we do not appear to have received any complaints about Reading Borough Council from Mr Salter that were apparently made in his official capacity...

Of course, it could have been a personal complaint and not the formal complaint he told everyone it was, but if so the boundary hopping MP will surely not have a problem telling the press the case number allocated by the Information Commissioner and if he does we'll happily remove this item.

Update 15/08/2007: Confirmation has been received that Martin has made no official complaint to the Information Commissioner. He merely informed them that he intended to complain to Reading Borough Council.

A Freedom of Information request reveals that Reading Borough Council may be considering outsourcing the whole of the transport department to Peter Brett Associates. During the six years that PBA were involved in major projects like Green Park, the £1m Rose Kiln Lane traffic junction, Reading 2020, Market Place regeneration and the One Way IDR proposal, Reading Borough Council paid them a measly total of £9,911.

Lead Councillor for Transport, Tom Crisp told us: "What fantastic value for council tax payers. Less than ten grand to screw up Reading over six years, when our own transport department have been given a multi-million pound budget to achieve the same thing, there's no competition. Beats any 'best value' analysis our transport department can come up with. Either that or that figure is a complete and total lie. Anyone know of a design and communications agency we could get to print our recycling leaflets for a tenner?"

Yet another war of words has broken out between the town's feuding MPs after Tory babe Rob Wilson once again accused Reading West MP Martin Salter of interfering in Reading East's affairs. "I've warned him before but he's gone too far this time. He's deliberately sending his Reading West water down the Thames to flood my constituency," ranted the angry MP.

Martin Salter responded to the accusation: "I'll stop when he stops asking questions in Prime Minister's Question Time. There's only enough room in the local papers for publicity for one MP and if he thinks I'm going to give up my right to ask planted questions to make it look like I'm doing something, he's got a bleedin' cheek."

Reading Borough Council has announced a massive security clampdown with hundreds of new anti-terror patrols in the town. Urban security consultants NCP recommended the changes, which have been eagerly backed by the chair of Safer Reading Campaign, Tony Page. "Terrorists will think twice about planting bombs outside Reading night clubs when they know they will be liable for a £60 fine, although regular terrorists may like to take advantage of our £30 discount if they pay within 14 days. If we find persistent terrorism in the town centre we may also remove their car and have it crushed."

Town centre inspector Andy Bagnell insists that there are good reasons for the move and rejected criticism: "We don't think we're overhyping the threat - you'd have to be suicidal to try and park in Reading. It'll also bring in much needed cash to pay for even more consultants and hide the fact that we don't actually have any police officers available between 3am and 7am."

Householders in Caversham are being warned about potential flooding after torrential rain caused havoc and widespread chaos to large areas of Britain and fears that the Thames' valley will be flooded. Steve Waite, lead councillor for the environment, told us: "We have noticed that the main flood plain areas in and around Reading are all Tory voting areas, so if you're expecting any help from us... go whistle!"

In other flood news, after successfully achieving 'Green Flag' status, Reading Borough Council are also putting Forbury Gardens forward for a prestigious beach quality 'Blue Flag' award, just in case.

Reading Museum has been closed to the public. Recent heavy downpours were initially blamed for the flooding, but one insider has revealed the real cause of the enforced closure.

"We were preparing an exhibition," he told us, "when we discovered a large chain in the basement. Before you could say 'sponsored by Peter Brett Associates', the Mayor popped out of nowhere to perform an official 'yank' and pulled the plug on us. Now the museum is sinking and we think it's going to take the rest of Reading down with it."

Tom Crisp, lead councillor on transport, was unphased by the news that Reading was drowning. "This is great news for the town and will firmly put Reading on the map as the Venice of the South. I am, however, proposing an independent commission to look into whether we will need a one way canal."

A monument in the town is to be restored to its former glory. The venerable old site has been looking a bit sorry for itself and worse for wear after it became tarnished some 20 years ago with some ill chosen comments.

The monument was originally used to divert attention away from Tory policy during the 1980s, but in 2006 it was attacked by a soiled nappy and taken away for restoration. The work undertaken includes a new suit, a new tie and a P45 from the rest of the council's Conservative group.

Contractors from Reading firm Willis & Cumpsty are due to finish the restoration of Fred Pugh at the end of this month and it will be resited well away from the town where it will do the least damage to the local party.

We're pleased to announce that muckspReading has won The Mark Thomas McDemo competition for a free demonstration outside the Houses of Parliament! Thanks to those nice people at South Street for organising the competition and especially to Mark Thomas for picking us over the other entrants.

Our entries were:

1. Protect Martin Salter from Freedom of Information Demo
2. People of Happisburgh Say YES to More Landfill Demo
   "What Do We Want? Landfill", "When do we want it? NOW", "Where do we want it? Down on the beach, between our houses and the shoreline, before our village is washed away".
3. Apathy Party Demand More Representation on Local Councils Demo
   With up to 63% of the vote on most council, the electorate is obviously being ignored. "What Do We Want? Whatever! When Do We Want It? Am I Bovvered?"

We'll leave it to you to guess which one won.

Former head of Reading Arts and Leisure and new Womad supremo Chris Smith has hailed the new measures the festival has taken to cut down on touting as a great success.

"We had quite a few problems last year with touts acquiring large numbers of tickets which obviously deprived genuine festival-goers of the chance sample the unique atmosphere of Womad. That's why we felt the only solution was to move the festival out of Reading. Just cancelling the number of freebies to Reading councillors has made a huge difference to our cash flow.

"We are also hopeful that our new Don't You Know Who I Am? tent will keep any councillors and MPs who do manage to slip the security cordon away from our paying punters."

Forensic experts were still scouring outbuildings of a South Reading establishment this morning following reports that weapons were being manufactured on its grounds. Police Officers were called to the scene after reports that harmless plutonium rods were being turned into weapons of mass destruction at AWE Burghfield.

Supt Kirk said: "As we are in the early stages of the investigation, it is too soon to comment about who may be involved, but a Mr. Blair and Mr. Brown are being sought to help with our enquiries."

Councillor Andrew Cumpsty has hit out at plans by Reading Borough Council to find someone to chair the independent commission into solving Reading's Traffic problems.

"I think it's a waste of council tax payers' money to install a Yoda like figure to solve our problems," said the Tory Councillor, "when we have Emperor Willis or, as some of you may know him, Darth Insidious prepared to help. He may be the most evil person in Reading, but at least he promises to make the trains run on time and we really need to hear more about his plans for a Death Star to sort out the traffic before jumping to conclusions."

John Madejski’s proposed £400 million development of Station Hill might experience delays after an influential Government body criticised the current plans. The Commission for Architecture and the Built Environment (CABE) said it had "significant reservations" about a number of aspects of the design, including its size.

A spokesman for CABE told us: "Whilst there are many aspects of the design which are satifactory, it is slightly out of scale for a small town in Berkshire. Look, you lost your bid for city status. Get over it."

The local Primary Care Trust is planning a massive £1.1m replacement of every bed in the Royal Berkshire Hospital. Chief Executive Anne Sheen told us: "By cutting down on the number of midwives so that people have to go home early, cancelling the bus services and concentrating on more out-patient delivery of services, we think replacing the beds with state of the art car parking facilities will make this hospital a nice tidy profit."

Anita Cacchioli has told the Environmental Scrutiny panel that the fortnightly collections have been a huge success. "In the last six months the amount of recycling has increased by 10% on the same period last year and now stands at 34%." Ms. Cacchioli however refused to conceed that the large increase was the result of the Council simply giving residents bigger recycling bins.

Councillor Rik Willis has finally revealed the Tory group's comprehensive transport policy at last refuting suggestions that it was all just hot air. Flourishing a fag packet at the Civic Centre with the full details of the Tory plans on it, Rik promised that the Conservatives would solve all Reading's transport problems with a set of simple measures.

A third Thames bridge open only to 4x4s will speed the school run with priority lanes from Caversham to Kendrick and Reading Schools, the sale of Reading Buses to Stagecoach will ensure that poor residents without cars will be not able to afford their fares and the consequent scrapping of all bus lanes will free up much needed space for Range Rovers.

Further measures will see police patrols for drink-drivers suspended near Shepherds Hill to speed revellers home from dinner parties and the special transponders used to give priority to the park and ride buses will be raffled off to raise money for party funds

Reading's Mayor, Chris Maskell, has stepped into the row over the closure of the RHM Foods factory at Whitley once he discovered that the factory was responsible for making Mr. Kipling products.

With hundreds of Reading residents facing redundancy, the Mayor expressed his deep concern over the closure. "Where am I going to get a plentiful supply of exceedingly good cakes for my Mayoral duties? I'm not eating any cucumber sandwiches you know."

Jose Mourinho has revealed why he was so keen to sign Steve Sidwell from Reading. Mourinho spoke of his delight at bringing the 24-year-old midfielder to Stamford Bridge.

"He is a player I like," said the Chelsea boss. "He is a player with the mentality which is very welcome in our dressing room and our philosophy. He is an English player with English mentality, which means he's a greedy bugger who is happy picking up his fat pay check whilst avoiding getting splinters in his bum from the subs bench."

The new Labour Party vice chair for the Environment has hit the ground running as, only a matter of hours of being appointed, Reading Borough Council and the Environment Agency have pulled out the stops to accomodate the incessant maggot immerser's request to install 4 new fishing platforms on the Thames.

Andy Went, a fisheries officer at the Environment Agency, said: "We are very happy to increase the accessibility for politicians interested in fishing. The platforms have been designed to hold up to 12 Anglers or Martin Salter's ego so we expect them to last for a few years." Graeme Hoskin, Reading's Lead Councillor for Culture and Sport, said: "If Martin wants anything from the council he knows he only has to ask and the good people of Reading will stump up the cash."

Martin Salter told us: "This is great news for me, er, Reading and their location in Hills Meadow means that I can spend even more time in my favourite constiuency. Where's that Evening Post photographer got to?"

And first prize goes to Reading Borough Council. Whilst some may see deaths on the roads as a tragedy, it's good to know that someone in RBC is happy about it.

We had to alter the size to make it visible on this page, but you can check out the original here

Reading Borough Council are planning to reek revenge on the people of Reading after their plans for the one way IDR were rejected by the electorate. In its place a summer of traffic jams and disruption is planned across the Borough.

Announcing the works, Councillor Tom Crisp said: "So you all thought that by voting against us you could stop us messing up the roads. Well, who's having the last laugh now?

Tim Smith, the director of Reading's City (sic) Management Company said: "We got the idea from the Peter Brett Associates' traffic survey. Once we realised how easy it is to paralyse the town with a few well placed obstructions, we had to go for it, didn't we? We couldn't have people avoiding our flagship Rose Kiln Lane snarl-up by sneaking down the Basingstoke Road and, as an added bonus, in Oxford Road the police will now be able to fine everyone for kerb crawling."

Reading University bosses have appointed a troubleshooter after the great 'Facebook Water Fight' debacle to put an end to anti-social behaviour. Ann Westgarth, Reading University's new community relations manager, has vowed to take 'prompt action' if she discovers students 'having fun'.

"Life can really be hard if Mummy can't collect your washing for a few weeks or Daddy won't slip you a few hundred quid to top up your loan, but that's no excuse for some of the behaviour we have seen recently. Students walking around in groups to avoid being beaten up by locals gives out the wrong message. In order to integrate properly, they should be prepared to be mugged and stabbed just like the rest of the population."

Inspector Andy Bellman has promised a return to visible policing after replacing Inspector Jack Griffin, who left in March to take a job at Loddon Valley police station.

He told us: “I am very aware that West Reading has lacked a visible police presence for some time and I am here to inform you that our experimental invisible officers will be redeployed. Although we felt invisible policing was a great success, because citizens couldn't actually see our officers patrolling, many of them assumed that instead of patroling the Dee Road estate, they'd popped off to London to join the Met.

"Rest assured that we will be returning to a more community based approach and Sergeant Peter Parker will be based in the Tilehurst water tower providing protection to the whole of west Reading using his tingly spider-sense.”