January

• After John Madejski agrees to shell out cash for a Government academy in Whitley, Martin Salter ignores the cash for honours scandals and begs for the Reading Chairman to be given a Knighthood.
• In the Big Brother house, a race row breaks out at the Conservative party annual general meeting after Isobel Ballsdon is called “Cornish Pasty Face” and Fred Pugh refuses to remove his ceremonial white pointy hat.
• Martin Salter asks Reading Borough Council to use council taxpayers’ money to organise an event for him. Council bends over backwards to comply.

23 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office

February

• Fred Pugh writes the longest suicide note in local politics by saying he will stand down if local councillors don’t elect him mayor.
• Anneliese Dodds petitions to ban street drinking in Redlands. Fellow Labour Party members’ sign petition to ban drinking at Labour Party gatherings.
• A colossal squid is found in the murky waters of Sutton and Cheam trying to wrap its tentacles around the Reading Conservative Association.

20 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office.

March

• Against all the rules, local MP Rob Wilson sends out Tory local election material at taxpayers’ expense.
• Terry Wogan apologises for mistakenly announcing Steve Waite as the winner of the Reading-Vision Pong contest after he backed alternative weekly collections.
• Rik Willis threatens to sue Lib Dems for libel after being accused of being a Tory candidate.
• Anneliese Dodds is released in time for Easter by extremists who have been keeping her locked in an attic after straying into the territorial waters of a General Committee of Reading Labour Party monthly meeting by mistake.

33 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office plus one wrap around advert on the Reading Evening Post featuring Councillor Tony Jones.

April

• Reading Labour Party Borough Council issue press release defending alternate weekly collections after discovering a member of staff had a university project that proved that eating two week old food waste was safer than a Bernard Matthew’s turkey.
• It is a bird? Is it a plan? Scientists discover a mineral, with the chemical composition ID₃R₂, that makes people who think they are indestructible as weak as a kitten.
• After years in exile, an Asian Tory candidate for Park ward is beaten up at Alexandra Road mosque by the vice chair of the Pakistani Community Association. Mr. Hussein claims he was punched but the PCA disagreed and said he hit his head on a car roof. Newtown declares a state of emergency.

28 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office.

May

• Reading Apathy Party call for disproportional representation after picking up 69% of the vote and failing to get a single seat.
• After claiming to have voted against the Iraq War when he didn’t, Martin Salter continues being economical with the actualité by issuing a press release saying that he has made an official complaint to the Information Commissioner about Reading Borough Council when he hasn’t.
• An appeal is made for the safe return of Katesgrove Councillor David Sutton after he goes missing campaigning in a neighbouring ward.

24 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office.

June

• Local Tories hold a minute’s silence for Bernard Manning.
• Senior council officers are sent an email warning them to delete anything they would not like to see released under the Freedom of Information Act. An FoI request asking to see the email warning officers to delete emails is met with the response that the email has been deleted.

30 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office.

July

• Tories promise comprehensive transport review
• A Reading Chronicle journalist is kidnapped and held hostage by Bracknell Times extremists after interviewing Mick Spreader.
• Flooding in Pangbourne is welcomed as a massive increase in fishing facilities by the Reading West MP.

40 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office.

August

• Tories still promise comprehensive transport review.
• Thames Valley Police announce recruitment of more Community Support Officers claiming it will give the kids something to keep themselves busy with during their school holidays.

26 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office.

September

• Tories are still promising comprehensive transport review
• Protests are held outside the Houses of Parliament against the expansion of Martin Salter into Reading East.

27 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office.

October

• Tories say comprehensive transport review is nearly complete.
• Reading Comedy Festival opens as the Council holds its first meeting after the summer break.
• After keen Harry Potter fan Paul Croft becomes a victim of ridicule over his tattoo after JK Rowling revealed Dumbledore to be gay, Rik Willis also describes his shock at being the butt of jokes about his Ian Smith tattoo when people point out that the former Rhodesian Prime Minister was a racist.
• Reading Borough Council slims down communications budget after local Labour Party offers to deliver council literature on their behalf if they are copied in on all correspondence to opposition councillors.

53 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office.

November

• Tories comprehensive transport review to be revealed.
• Reading Borough Council’s web site is hacked and infested with viruses and Trojans which could infect visitors PCs. Council deny that residents’ are in danger of identity fraud.
• After being holed below the water line in the icy waters of Cambridgeshire, the captain of the vessel refuses to go down with her ship and announces she is fleeing to Worcestershire.
• Nick Clegg refuses to stop in Reading over fears that he could be stabbed in the back by local Liberal Democrats.
• Local Tory party caught up in political row as Rik Willis is caught supporting a racist apartheid regime, demanding the death penalty because it saves the taxpayer money, celebrating Edward Heath’s death and lauding General Pinochet because at least he only killed leftie pinkos.

42 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office.

December

• Tories lose cigarette packet containing comprehensive transport review plans.
• Lead councillor for the environment Steve Waite announces that he will not be staying to lose his seat next May. His much trumpeted anti-graffiti squads meant that he couldn’t see the writing on the wall.
• Muckspreading banned by Council bosses.

27 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office.

Santa has been to Reading and we can reveal who has been naughty or nice this year.

Stuart and Mary Singleton-White received a special present from Santa: Princess Anneliese ^{TM Mattel toys}. She can be posed in multiple positions without actually having to be there. Anneliese is part of the mini Barbie range and comes with a complete set of plastic Labour policies that get broken within a few minutes of achieving power.

Rik Willis was especially pleased to be given the missing badges in his Robertson's Jam 'Golliwog' collection.

Saint Nick also visited Tricia Haines and gave her a 'one way ticket outta here'

With best wishes for a Merry Christmas
and a Happy New Year

Christmas greetings from Mick Spreader. By putting this greeting on the website £3.52 has been saved and will be donated to Mick's beer fund.

The owner of Reading based computer sales company Westcoast, Joe Hemani, has donated £59,000 to the Labour party at a fundraising auction. The amount paid, according to Private Eye, was £60,000 but the actual cost of the goods can be deducted from the total declared and a staggeringly high valuation of £1,000 was entered for a single signed copy of Alistair Campbell's diaries.

Westcoast are also donors to Martin Salter's constituency office as declared in the House of Commons register of interests. They have, however, strenuously denied trying to get around donation rules by valuing a copy of the Reading Chronicle containing a column by the Reading West MP at £500.

A lack of signs warning of a low bridge over the railway in Caversham Road has attracted criticism after 15 incidents of vehicles following Sat Nav systems found themselves blocking traffic and having to perform a difficult U-turn.

Chris Branagan, spokesman for Reading Borough Council, said: "I refute suggestions that we'd forgotten about this bridge when we drew up the one way IDR plans which would have meant that high-sided lorries could no longer go through central Reading. It was all part of our plan to ensure gridlock and chaos so we could start congestion charging as soon as possible. Our comprehensive one way IDR signing strategy included changes to the signing on the approach to the Caversham Railway Bridges to make it clear that it was impassable. However, we are pleased that we are still able to use the signs we ordered in the light of the cancellation of that project."

It is now over 24 hours since the Liberal Democrats last leadership contest but the election of Nick Clegg has not gone down well with some local party members. Daisy Benson told us: "The trouble with national politicians is that they are out of step and at 40 Nick is over the hill. How else can you explain the selection of Brian Eno as his Minister of Sound? It's so 70s. Get with it Nick, LCD Soundsystem and CSS are who you should be asking if you want to reach out to the kids." Another local Lib Dem, Gareth Epps, said: "It's too early to tell if Nick's on the right track, but he's got my backing for at least the next fortnight, then I will have to review the situation."

However, rumblings of discontent were talked down by the leader of Woodley Lib Dems. "We are a very democratic party," said Coling Lawley. "Everyone gets to have a turn."

Tory leader Fred Pugh has decided to step down at the next local elections. He cited the failure of the Conservative Group to back his spirited defence of Rik Willis's comments about Zimbabwe. "What has it come to when a man can't speak freely about what he believes in. Call a brutal apatheid regime benevolent and they call you a racist. What a world!"

Deputy leader of the Conservatives on Reading Borough Council, Cllr Andrew Cumpsty said: "I owe Fred a great debt of gratitude. Without his unequivocal support for the Sutton carpet-bagger, I'd have a real fight on my hands to become group leader. Now it's a shoe in."

To help Fred celebrate his retirement the Hexagon will be putting on special performances of his favourite shows, Jim Davidson and the Black and White Minstrels.

Tom Crisp has welcomed the Independent Traffic Commissioner's recommendation for a one way cycle lane out of town. The lead councillor for transport has been forced to quit after being reported to the council by taxi drivers for stopping his cycle on double yellow lines whilst he withdrew cash from the CO-OP. A 'Save Tom Crisp' campaign came too late to save him from Labour cuts and he is scheduled to close in early May.

Mr. Crisp is to be replaced by Gul Khan who is standing on a platform of driving mini-cabs off the streets and massive increases in taxi fares for himself and his friends. In a hurried press release he said: "I am pleased and honoured to be joining the strong team in [please insert name here] ward. I am sure that I can help contribute to represent all people in the [Mr. Howarth can you pick a suitable area for me?] community."

Voters in Battle ward have cautiously welcomed the news. "That nice Mr. Khan said he'd drive me to the polling station in his taxi for free. A lot nicer than that young Mr. Crisp. I kept falling off his handlebars."

We may have given the impression that the claim in the latest issue of the Katesgrove Banner that David Sutton was known to local Labour supporters as "Mr. Katesgrove" was somewhat misleading since he'd hardly been seen in the ward.

We may have made fun of his sudden reappearance at the Katesgrove Residents Association meetings after he suddenly realised that he was up for re-election next May.

However, we are indebted to the Labour supporter who sent in the accompanying photograph which proves that Mr. Sutton has every right to be called "Mr. Katesgrove" after triumphing in the 1988 Reading Bodybuilders' Contest held at the Abbey Ruins.

We apologise for casting nasturciums.

Dog owners in West Reading are livid after Thames Valley Police started mounted patrols in Prospect Park with no-one picking up after the culprits. "It's always one law for the police and another for the rest of us. Look at the size of that," said one annoyed walker. "Scaling up that's got to be at least a £1,000 fine." Reading Borough Council are inclined to agree and have already drawn up plans to claw back some of next year's Council Tax settlement by the kilo.

West Reading Neighbourhood Sergeant Adrian Lewis poo-poohed the idea and said the mounted patrols are here to stay. "It's not one of my mane concerns. As long as the locals don't go horsing about and pony up their fixed penalty fines they won't be saddled with debts. My officers have the bit between their teeth and want to form a stable relationship with the community via the local NAGs. Don't have night mares."

Farewell visitors from Reading Borough Council.

muckspReading has fallen foul of the Council's ICT policy. Whilst the majority of employees have been blocked, rest assured that there are still one or two senior officers who still have access. We know who you are!

Reading Wonderland Zoo has announced an interim boss to replace Trish Haines who, after failing to get a job at Cambridgeshire Zoo, is deserting the sinking ship at the end of February to become Chief Executive of Worcestershire Animal Park.

Mr. Peasley has spent the last 22 years working at the Wonderland Zoo, the last two of which have been spent trying and failing to keep Jo "Hair Bear" Lovelock and her gang in check, with hilarious consequences. Tony "Square Bear" Page and Tom "Bubi Bear" Crisp have been running rings around the council with their plans to solve Reading's traffic crisis with their invisible motorcycle. Helping Mr. Peasley run the zoo will be his sidekick Botch. So no change there.

NCP are in line to take over key operations at Royal Berks Hospital after an experimental scheme was hailed a great success by the hospital board.

George Loughlin, vice chairman of the governors, told us: "We ran a pilot scheme which swapped doctors in A&E with NCP parking attendents and waiting times went down to 10 minutes. Sometimes we even managed to get the patient treated before they had actually booked in. We did however end up with several wheelchairs clamped which did make things a little difficult. Old habits die hard! In the car park the doctors were also a success with the public. Visitors got up to four hours free parking whilst waiting for a doctor to come along to ticket them."

Visitors to the Oracle have been greeted by the spectacle of the Winter Wonderland Ice Rink. Unlike previous years where an artificial surface was used, this year the rink is using real ice and council health and safety inspectors will be keeping a close eye in it with orders to shut it down if there is a real danger of people falling over.

However, a political row has broken out over the rink after Labour councillors insisted that skaters are only to be permitted to skate anti-clockwise around it which has angered their political opponents. Squadron Leader Rik Willis told us: "I'm skating on thin ice here." Liberal Parliamentary candidate Gareth Epps went as far as to suggest that: "It's a slippery slope to disaster." Anneliese Dodds was seen at the scene of her disasterous Politics Show appearance collecting signatures for a petition, the subject of which was yet to be decided by Stuart Singleton-White.

As well as being open to the public a special exhibition ice hockey match is being staged which will see the Vice Chair of the Pakistani Community Association Saeed Chaudhury face-off against Tory councillor Wazir Hussain.

Local Reading West MP Martin Salter has helped launch a new Government keep fit campaign. "I have been worried for some time about poor fitness levels amongst the elderly, so it is good to see that the Government are finally taking this problem seriously. An enforced walk of an extra two miles a week will do them a world of good."

Despite his positive spin, closing Post Offices is seen as a vote loser and the Labour Vice Chairman has pledged to repeat his unspirited defence of the Caversham Road Sorting Office. "I can assure my constituents that I will do everything short of actually attacking government policy - it really won't help my political career."

Rob Wilson MP has also spoken out against the Post Office cuts. "This is a blatent example of the Labour Party stealing Conservative ideas and pretending that they are their own. It was our idea to privatise and close Post Offices and I hope the public don't forget that when Labour start taking the credit for it."

Reading Borough Council are joining forces with the independent charity Trees for Cities, to plant more new trees in St Mary's Churchyard to complement the Trippy Tree. The Indian MDMA Tree, also known as an Indian Bean Tree, been a fixture in the graveyard for over a 150 years but after a severe pruning last February, young goths have called for more shelter in the graveyard.

So with the help of Tree for Cities, Reading Borough Council have announced new neighbours for the Trippy Tree. The Crack Tree, the E-Tree and the Heroin Shrubbery will be in place before next years Reading Festival, and because of a large number of cultivated plants mysteriously appearing in Reading, a hemp lawn will be created opposite the Purple Turtle.

During the planting ceremony, youngsters will be hanging around drinking cider.

A graphic designer who went missing, presumed drowned, more than five months ago, has walked into a Reading police station. The shattered remains of John Howarth's one-way IDR were found washed up on the banks of the Kennet, in May 2007.

Mr. Howarth in his fortnightly newspaper column attacking the complexity of the recycling rules claims to have no memory of being involved in the 25 year refuse collection PFI contract, or of his company which designed the 'Your Reading' recycling leaflets. Also a complete blank was any recollection of the Rose Kiln Lane lights fiasco, any idea why there are so many pubs in town offering cheap drinks to urinating students or lobbying for Crossrail to come to Reading.

After the electorate announced his policies dead, Chief Executive Tricia Haines cashed in her job and decided to disappear to Worcestershire County Council. Suspicions were aroused about his version of events when a picture of him and Ms. Haines was found on the web taken in early 2007, showing the two together plotting the one-way IDR.

Mortimer Parish Council's unofficial referendum into Britain's inclusion in the European Union was at the centre of a political storm after leaflets were delivered to every household in the village.

Simon Darby, press officer for the BNP, has complained about leaflets being distributed in the run up to the unofficial poll: "We've had reports that Domino's Pizza were delivering a 2 for 1 offer in the run up and we are angry that the idea of a pizza packed with juicy italian tomatoes and spicey foreign sausages will remind voters that when we send back all the potatoes, tomatoes and garlic back to where they belong, all the British will have left to eat are turnips."

The organiser of the poll, Mr Sims, said: "Personally, I especially don’t want to be linked to the BNP, but I know about 10 people who did not vote because they stayed at home and had a Pepperoni Passion instead."

Middle East Peace Envoy Tony Blair cut the tape to officially open the Lord Madejski of Whitley (pending) Academy yesterday. Selected guests loudly applauded the former Prime Minister when he arrived 45 minutes late after he was delayed by security officers looking for non-existent weapons of mass destruction he'd told them were in the basement.

Mr Madejski, who donated £8 million towards the £28 million school, showed him to the stage. However, Mr. Blair strenuously denied that with all the scandals involving under the counter payments to the Labour party that funding government policies was simply a way around cash for honours. He told reporters: "Honours reward people who contribute to society, contributing to the education of disadvantaged kids in the inner cities is about as good a contribution to society I can think of." Good news is therefore expected for Reading in the New Year's honours list.

Mr Blair, who successfully continued 18 years of Tory Government by rebranding Labour, told youngsters: "My passion has always been for education. If I had not had a lot of lucky breaks and a glorous private education at Fettes I would not have gone on to be Prime Minister. But I'm more realistic about your chances in Whitley. Not everyone can get out of this dump like Ricky Gervais, so you should aim proportionately lower. Seek jobs in the community, work in hospitals or become teachers. Sweep the streets or, if you really have no self-respect, become a politician."

The leader of the council has been referred to the Standards Board for England over remarks he made in council cabinet about local resident and campaigner Bob O'Neill.

He had challenged the bearded wonder to name 10 iconic buildings in the town centre which appeared to infuriate the Labour leader.

David Sutton, who changed his name by deed poll to Mr. Katesgrove last week, snapped and called the veteran campaigner an 'old fogey' and urged him to: "not waste our time with party games."

He continued: "When it comes to party games and planning, it's the local Labour Party's job to play charades, although we prefer to call it local consultation."

Another prestigious development has been drawn for Reading Town Centre. A 29-storey four-star Radisson SAS Hotel with 17 lavish penthouse suites, which will cost £30 million to build, will be a striking addition to the miriad of artists' drawings of a ficticious Reading skyline. It is destined to be replaced by a less ambitious scheme which may actually stand a chance of being built.

Graham Parker, of The Rumours, said: "It will be a place where pop stars will want to come to stay. 29 storeys is a long way for a telly to fall. It will also be attractive for politicians wanting to get away from it all by taking a 20 minute journey into a crowded town centre where no-one will spot them." However, one facility the hotel will not be providing is a car park for its guests. Mr Parker said: "It’s a town centre location within 100 yards of the biggest and most oversubscribed taxi rank in town. In any case, our sort of customer can afford the fines for parking on double yellow lines and ignoring the bus lane cameras. It'll be such a boost to the town's finances."

Reading Conservatives have denied responsibility for the overnight vandalism of the iconic Reading Central Club 'Black History' mural. Andrew Cumpsty said: "It is purely co-incidental that Rik Willis appeared at the Ethnic Minorities Forum when the future of the Central Club was discussed, even though he isn't on the forum."

The giant mural was subject to a whitewash in the early hours of the morning and a 'correction' to what the tagger called in a scrawled note the systematic rewriting of history to favour the outdated road to self-determination.

The Reading International Solidarity Centre was also subject of a grafitti attack with 'Pinochet Was A War Hero' and "Heath Died A Traitor" daubed on its walls. Police say they are looking for the culprit, but they are confident that they will catch him red handed. However, the vandalised mural will stay as a local landmark as the council graffiti team have refused to remove it because it is greater than 1 square metre.

Readers of the Reading Chronicle have been left puzzled by a letter in the November 29th edition of the weekly local paper after they published a letter from Wasir Hussain insisting that his fellow Conservative Councillor Richard Willis isn't a racist.

One reader told us: "I have no idea what this Wokingham resident is on about. He seems to be attacking Labour for saying something, but I have no idea what it was. I don't read Press Association reports, the Sunday Times or the Reading Evening Post. Was there some big local political news story that I missed? I did spot a tiny item buried away on page 4 with quotes from a Wokingham Conservative candidate for Whitegates and a Conservative MEP, but I can't find any evidence of Labour attacking him. Still, there's no smoke without fire... unless you have a smoke machine. It must have been important for the Tories to get their attack on Labour in before their views were even printed, but I guess now I'll never know what they were."

It's not the first time that the Chronicle has dodged a controversial political item after they judged verifyable facts about their columnist Martin Salter MP as too dangerous to print. One journalist, who refused to be named, told us: "You have to be very careful around here. One wrong step and, before you know it, you're writing for the Bracknell Midweek News."

Chronicle journalists have been invited to join the facebook group I find out the news on muckspreading if they are bored reprinting press releases and want to be kept abreast of local politics.

Strange but True: The Chronicle has visited muckspReading over 240 times since last May.