Rumours continue to sweep around Reading about a change to the political make up of the council after enigmatic messages started appearing on Councillor Chris Maskell's web site.

Lib Dems are worried that if Labour members continue to wake up and smell the Workhouse Coffee Company coffee at the current rate that they will soon be the fourth largest group on the council. Labour are terrified that the construction of the David Sutton Memorial White Elephant in Hosier Street will be put on hold, whilst the Conservative Party are bricking themsleves at the thought that they might end up in power before collecting enough fag packets to write all their policies down on.

However, Mick Spreader managed to doorstep the illusive councillor and he told us that he couldn't see what all the fuss was about. We asked him about the mysterious time posted on his website, 2nd August 4.00pm, and he told us: It's just a warning to my constituents to tell them that it is in fact the start of the first period in history when Allied Carpets are not having a sale. Get there early.

Tory councillor Isobel Ballsdon has denied accusations that she was guilty of prejudging a planning application in support of Conservative opposition to the new civic centre building when she abstained during a planning committee vote.

Explaining her vote she said: "It's outrageous to suggest that I sat on my hands for pre-determined political reasons. I saw the plans for the first time the same as everyone else, looked at the cerise and aquamarine decor and thought to myself, how gauche. I just couldn't have that fashion faux-pas on my conscience, so I abstained. Now a nice tasteful leopard print would have been another matter."

The Reading Council Conservative group has strongly denied that they are going back on their word by condeming council staff to work in a crumbling asbestos filled building for longer and have outlined their alternative plans for the new civic centre.

The Tory group leader told us: "We're not bound by anything Fred Pugh signed up to." Andrew Cumpsty backed him up by adding: "Why did you think we were so keen to shuffle him off to deputy mayor where he can cause the least amount of damage?"

Stung by criticism of yet another example of the Conservatives knowing what they are against, but actually having no plans of their own the magical Tory fag packet was brought out again to unveil their plans. "We've been immensley impressed by the way that travellers can set up almost overnight anywhere in the borough for very little cost. We've had a competitive quote for the whole civic redevelopment of £500 cash in hand and they've also offered to fix some of the loose slates on my roof at the same time."

However, the Tories agressive position on the new civic could be short lived as no-one has worked out which way David Stevens is planning to vote yet.

... coming to a civic centre near you.

If you can't see the You Tube video, you can download a Windows Media version

People are warned to be on the look out as a professional gang are using letter boxes to steal from residents. In most cases they are making away with over £600 from the poorest households.

Police have told householders to be vigilant. "We believe that a shadowy underworld figure called Gordon Brown is responsible for the majority of these thefts.

"However, it is quite easy to spot these people at work. Simply look for an envelope bearing the logo of Reading Borough Council and the words 'Rent Payment Due'. If you pay up your cash will be taken without your knowledge from the Council's Housing Revenue Account and used to prop up this gangster in the style to which he has become accustomed."

With Womad once again upon us, Reading residents are being warned to keep their doors and windows shut as MPs and Councillors roam the streets of Reading suffering withdrawal symptoms from the lack of freebies.

A concerned resident told us: "It's so sad to see them aimlessly shuffling around Rivermead on Womad festival weekend. Labour Party activists wondering where to put their stalls, Anneliese Dodds desperately trying to find an ethnic minority event to be photographed at, Tories with boxes of unsold 'Hang Nelson Mandela' tee-shirts and Liberal Democrats wandering around pretending to like Toumani Diabaté and Seun Kuti & Egypt 80. The council should do something about it and start up a rival festival so that they can once more be doled out 20 free VIP tickets each and shout 'don't you know who I am?' at frazzled staff."

Officals have taken into custody the most wanted man in Reading after a tip-off led them to his secret Dorset hideaway. Captured war crimes suspect David Sutton spent years living in Reading and stacking bookshelves, according to Council officials. During a decade on the run as leader of the council, he had cultivated a long white beard and called himself Mr Katesgrove. He even gave public lectures and was a regular library magazine contributor.

Masquerading as an expert in buses, the fugitive was so confident in his disguise he even had his own website, and would give out business cards bearing the name D D David.

In Caversham, which endured a 96-month siege by Labour Party forces, cars streamed through the streets honking their horns, crowds cheered and some people took to the streets waving Oxfordshire flags.

Reading Buses has been accused of releasing a dangerous gas into the local environment by leading chemist Professor Val N. C. Bond. After catching the number 17 bus she said that she was shocked to see the company proudly proclaiming that they were releasing oxygen monocarbide with an oxidation state of +2 into the atmosphere.

"Don't they know what damage CO² can do to the environment?" she told us. "Why, if those spare oxidation state molecules ever attempted to bond with CH₄ mixed with hydrogen in a plasma state we'd have the ideal mix for forming diamonds by chemical vapour deposition and that would not be good for the people of Reading.

Reading Buses have declined to comment on the Professor's findings, but did release a statement. "It was a typo. It should have said CO₂. Are you happy now?"

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Superman, come to save the council tax payers of Reading from the cost of building the David Sutton Memorial Town Hall.

Klark Kent told us: "It's obscene to spend money on demolishing an asbestos riddled building when it could go towards filling our bank account, er, I mean when there is a perfectly good building in the vicinity. I know Ivypark are coming late to the debate, but how were we to know when we declined contributing to the original plans that the cash cow we had paying rent was going to defect to Keir Properties' One Reading Central?"

Ivypark's proposals include:
• Converting to janitor's closet into the Mayor's Parlour
• The annual Hexagon pantomime will be performed in the fire escape stairwell
• Residents waiting to see council staff will be housed in the corridors, so many will see little change.
• Council business will be held in the foyer with group leaders confined to the lifts to cut down their speaking time at debates.

The Labour group were not impressed. Tony Page, lead councillor for planning told us: "You might as well conduct council business in the street." Andrew Cumpsty was more receptive to the idea: "I don't think we should rule out using the streets at this stage. I think another review is needed. What this project has obviously been lacking is enough planning consultants." The Lib Dem leader Gareth Epps voiced his concern that the Ivypark scheme would result in the loss of the Hexagon for over two years: "It's vitally important to this town that if Radiohead want to play a warm up gig for an arena tour that we have a suitable venue available at short notice."

Anneliese Dodds has responded to widespread accusations of "Who?" by trying to raise her profile in the borough. To counteract the zero publicity generated by her broken personal web site www.anneliesedodds.org, the anti-student fees and anti-Trident Labour supporter has employed a crack team of fashionistas in an attempt to boost her fading image. The first outing for her new makeover was at the Nelson Mandela Birthday Picnic in the Forbury Gardens sporting a new L'Oreal hair colour: 'Belisha Orange', because she's worth it.

Martin Salter was quick to defend his protégé. "This just shows what a caring person Anneliese is. When she's not manning stalls at council funded events for the Labour Party, she'll be helping children cross the road safely," he said before adding: "Now Annelise, go and stand at the back. We're about to take the publicity photos."

There have been an increasing number of complaints about this site from people who don't have the bollocks to email me direct with their concerns. On several occasions I have amended stories when I have overstepped the mark, but Mick Spreader really doesn't have the time to deal with twats who have no understanding of humour, the laws on qualified privilege and the separation of council duties from a private life and resort to anonymous political threats.

Please take the time to vote for how you would like the site to operate in the future. All responses will be confidential (and Jamie, we promise not to tell Andrew Cumpsty how you voted!)

If you tick the disclaimer you will have full access to the jokes again.

PRUPIM – the property development arm of Prudential, were in floods of tears as their plans to develop Kennet Meadows were sunk without a trace. News of the rejection of the scheme to build 7,500 homes was leaked ahead of the report when it trickled out to journalists. The company said that despite their disappointment they had no plans to faucet through on appeal.

However Kevin Ashman, a director of PRUPIM, was irrigated by the rejection and told us: "Dam! It would appear that our hopes of making money were drowned out by protesters. However, we're already planning to dive right into our next scheme which will be coming on stream soon."

The political landscape has been hotting up as rumours of another defection swirl around Reading. Following Azam Janjua's unseemly haste to ditch Labour and join the Tories and Tony Jones resignation from the Labour Party to become a Battle Independent, news reaches muckspReading that another councillor fed up with Reading politics will shortly be crossing the floor.

The front runner as the next "Judas" appears to be Tory financial wizard David Stevens who has recently been caught propping up the Labour administration against the votes of his party colleagues - although he himself claims it was simply a misunderstanding about his love for 'Dad Rock'. Mr. Stevens claims he sided with the Labour whip because he thought the motion at the Corporate Community and External Affairs Panel was to preserve the Status Quo.

Local Conservatives have withdrawn their backing to the new civic centre after it was revealed that the cost of construction had rised by £20m because of the need to dispose of the asbetsos riddled current civic building.

Andrew Cumpsty explained their u-turn: "It is important that we look at the overall burden on Reading's council tax payers and anything that prevents us from pissing £1m up the wall on the Mapledurham Pavilion must be resisted. And with the current downturn in the property market, pretty soon we're going to have millions of pounds worth of empty buildings in Station Hill which we still want to see built and a grateful landlord looking for tenants?"

The Home Secretary announced new measures to clamp down on knives as figures show the Reading area is suffering an increase in violent assaults. The Bishop of Reading has also felt the need to step in and urged people to put down their weapons. Yet despite the local outcry, builders have gone ahead with the controversial topping out of the Blade Building in Forbury Square.

A spokeswoman for the Thames Valley Police told us: "In the current climate where knife crime is rampant, this is irresponsible architecture at its worst. I would urge the contractors to take the building down to the Central Police station and hand it in before somebody gets badly injured."

PC Alistair Melling, founder of the Gay Police Association, has called for Reading Festival to be banned this year. "Only I can tell you the meaning of words and I aim to stamp out any usage that I don't agree with. It has come to my attention that Reading Festival are planning to segregate gay and lesbian festival goers? This is an outrage and this event should not be allowed to carry on with its increasingly homophobic overtones. I've been told on good authority that there are whole fields set aside for camping and they are even selling weekend camping tickets. This is homophobic bullying at its worst."

PC Melling has himself has come underfire for telling the press: "I hate to get into this thing about political correctness. It is naff and no good." Gay spokesmen Julian and Sandy told us: "How dare this charpering omi palare balonie? He knows that Naff is omipalones for Normal As F*** and yet he still uses it. This maunged sharpey is screeching our polari. It's mankey. Vaggerie to the charpering carsey and stay there."

One of the highlights on Reading's cultural calendar is to return for another year.

The popular Shakespeare in Ruins begins on July 14th, as the bard's work is butchered for the purposes of entertainment. This year's production is Francis Bacon's The Taming of the Shoe.

This year the production has a cowboy theme in keeping with the Tories attempts to take over running the town, telling the story of Sheriff Cumpsty and Willis the undertaker who both want to marry the saloon keeper's beautiful daughter Emma (please suspend your disbelief, this is a work of fiction after all).

But there is one problem, first they must find a husband for Isobella, her awful tattle telling sister.

When Jamie Chowdary and his sidekick Wazir Hussain ride in from outside the borough to bag some council seats, it looks like their prayers have been answered, but these are not the only strangers in town and there is plenty of trouble brewing for there's small choice in rotten apples.

Will the protagonists be killed with kindness? Will Isobella finally get her toilet extension built? Will the stool pigeon's emails be traced?

Shakespeare in Ruins is organised by Reading Borough Council in partnership with the Conservative Theatre Company. And thereby hangs a tale.

A report by the Waste and Resources Action Plan (WRAP) shows UK households throw away a third of the food they buy. This would mean that Reading throws away £27m worth of food a year.

Paul Gittings, lead councillor for environment and sustainability, said: "I was pretty shocked by the findings of the WRAP report. The amount being wasted is a concern, especially as there are plenty of places in the world where the food we are wasting would make all the difference, so I'll be suggesting at the next cabinet that we parcel it all up and send it to them. Just think show much that will save us on the landfill tax."

A council spokeman told us: "It's essential that everyone does their bit to reduce the amount of food waste going to landfill. In the last month we've learned a valuable lesson here at RBC. We'll be cutting down the size of the finger buffets in the Mayor's Parlour now that Chris Maskell has retired from the post."

An Evening Post Exclusive

Green Party election hopeful Rob White has given his support to Hazel Blears' unpopular decision to call in the Station Hill development. The Reading East prospective Parliamentary candidate said: "I hope that through the call-in process this regeneration can be made better. So well done to Hazel Blears for taking that step."

The Green Party has many objections to the development as it stands and have unveiled their own plans for the area. Rob told our reporter: "A new sort of thinking is required - Green Thinking. Mr. Madejski's plans will see a massive increase in the use of the iron horse when it is a well documented fact that speeds of over 20 mph can lead to profuse bleeding of the gums and even fatal death. Instead of building new people factories in the centre of town, we should be reducing the need for people to travel to work by providing a loom in every home."

However, the final nail in the coffin according to the Green Party is the shear scale of the development. "If buildings were meant to be more than one storey high, then straw would be self-supporting," he told us.

On the Inside Pages: Rob White and The Post, sitting in a tree, K.I.S.S.I.N.G.

After losing his job as leader of the council, David Sutton has been forced to take up a part-time job on Reading Buses. Initially David will be placed on the number 5 route where it is hoped that he will see more of his former ward in one journey than he did in his last 4 years as ward councillor.

Former Reading Buses director Tony Page, who hopes to be able to guide Mr. Sutton's new career from the safety of the shadow board Transport Stakeholder Liaison Panel, said: "David will be a great asset to Reading Buses and his extensive experience rearranging books on the shelves will stand him in good stead in this difficult and demanding public service role. I am sure that his cheery smile will brighten up the day of many a moronic passenger."

There was shock news for Reading residents as news that a local cattle market had suddenly closed because of the global credit crunch.

However, fans of fresh locally sourced produce were reassured when it was revealed that the Farmers' Market in Great Knollys Street every first and third Saturday was not under threat and it was in fact the Friday and Saturday night meat market otherwise known as Brannigans in the Oracle that had been shut down instead.

The excitement was underwhelming as Andrew Haines, the chief operating officer of First Great Western, addressed a public meeting in the Town Hall attended by angry commuters. The meeting was originally intended to allow rail passengers to question the man responsible for the shoddy service and high fares, but it instead turned into a series of excuses unchallenged by the chair for why they had to screw customers after overbidding for the franchise in the first place. When questioned by a member of the public about the level of fares compared to other lines into London he reiterated that it was great value for money, despite a return fare from Stevenage being £15 cheaper than its equivalent fare from Reading. There was also no apology for their attempt to overcharge season ticket holders by incorrectly calculating fare rises in January or for their attempt to fiddle the cancellation statistics. The FGW man was allowed unchallenged to include the £200m they had already promised in their franchise bid when he promised a £240m investment to improve services.

The beleagured train boss was spared his blushes when Reading Borough Council's head of transport leapt to his defence as the debate threatened to go pearshaped as she unprompted defended the failing franchise and told the audience that it mostly wasn't First Great Western's fault.

Reading residents got a first hand view of how scrutiny is working in the business as usual world of the Lab-Con pact as the chairman of the Corporate Community and External Affairs Scrutiny Panel, doffed his cap and tugged his forelock and asked for a round of applause for the man representing a company trousering £48.2m in profits on their rail division. It was however impossible to determine who was responsible for licking his shoes clean before he left.

Analysis of the Henley by-election result shows a haemoraging of votes from Labour as Richard McKenzie came a poor fifth in the Henley by-election behind the Greens and the BNP.

McKenzie's plans to surround Henley with CCTV cameras simply did not strike a chord with the voters. "The Conservatives and Lib Dems have lost the plot on law and order," he told us. "People will just not be safe until your Labour government has installed cameras in every home, tracking devices in every car and computer chips in every person. After all if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to tax. And it's ridiculous to say that there are too many CCTVs, you can never have enough. You never know what you might find trawling through the hours of non-evidential quality footage. Hang on, I can see the net curtains twitching. I wonder if that is maximum zoom?"

His failed campaign had been masterminded by Reading West MP Martin Salter. "It's a grim result." he said. Our vote was squeezed very, very badly by the BNP. Obviously 42 days for holding Muslims without charge isn't enough and I shall be urging Gordon Brown to increase the limit to 180 days to shore up our vote as soon as possible."

Facing criticism for missing a council meeting to go to a Radiohead gig, the Lib Dem group leader has hit back at critics.

"There are no surprises here," he told us. "I might be wrong and a complete paranoid android, but some of the comments about my absence have left me climbing up the walls and are nothing other than scatterbrain attacks from those who think politicians should live their whole life in glass houses. I don't know which creep told the press but days travelling to London packt like sardines in a crushd tin box means that you need an occasional break from council business which is constantly like spinning plates. There are obviously knives out to get me, but I'm optimistic that the karma police are on my side. If I knew how to disappear completely I'd be fitter, happier. But that's just a nice dream so I'll be back electioneering before you and whose army leave me high and dry."

Ordinary members of the public finally got their first glimpse of the long awaited Briscoe report at a closed private briefing for councillors at the Civic offices the day before official publication.

The invitation only event for councillors was gatecrashed by Anneliese Dodds in her first public appearance in Reading since the Labour caucus at the Pakistani Community Association. Commenting on her rare appearance. "I was told by my fellow party chums that there was a private meeting for elected representatives and I couldn't help myself." Martin Salter unfortunately could not make the meeting as he'd been tipped off that there were to be no cameras or press present.

Also in attendance was Isobel 'Snitch' Ballsdon and the rest of the Conservative councillors who were there despite vowing to have nothing to do with the commission, whilst Peter Jones was modeling a new frock from Pravda.