Kendrick School and Reading Girls' School are forming a joint charitable trust to develop new facilities. With £1m out of £8m worth of grants dependent on charitable status the move has been endorsed by the Reading Borough Council cabinet. Both schools have denied that the move is because Kendrick School has a small site restricting future development and Reading Girls' has lots of playing fields perfect for concreting over with new post-16 education facilities.

Tonight is the big launch night of the Reading Comedy Festival where some old favourites will be making their appearance.

'On The Buses' will be playing at the Great Knollys Street Bus depot as Tony "Blakey" Jones comes face to face with his arch-nemesis David "Stan" Sutton in a boardroom fight to the death... or cancellation of the number 19 whichever comes first.

Meawhile Fred Pugh and Jo Lovelock will be resurrecting that old racist comedy classic 'Love Thy Neighbour' in the council chamber whilst 'Rik Willis - Uncut' will be showcasing the talents of the Bulgarian linguist as he takes to the boards with his one man Dick Emery tribute show.

Highgrove Street fly-tip on private property as it was when reported to the council for action.

Several days later an unknown flytipper is caught next to three bin bags which have been moved there from around the corner to sex up the picture.

Thames Valley Police are launching a new text service for people to report incidents via mobile phone. The scheme will be identical to the current 08458 505 505 non-emergency number, so texters can expect their text messages to disappear without a trace and if they ring up to ask for progress will be greeted by message "SORI CNOT FND YR DEETS".

To access the service residents should text 80085 CHAV with the crime of your choice after:

• HPPYSLP - Happy Slapping
• 8T - Hate Crimes
• STLK - It's good to stalk
• BUGGER - Arson attack
• GENO - Genocide

A petition is doing the rounds of the Labour Party Conference in Manchester urging members to back Gordon Brown's leadership. The petition was started to boost the position of the beleagured Prime Minister by local toady, Reading West MP Martin Salter, after a tough week which saw Mr. Brown's approval ratings in free fall and Labour's poll standing plummet as the credit crunch and rising fuel prices hit the poor.

Mr. Salter is now thought to be the first rat to join a sinking ship to nail his colours to the mast.

The annual In Town Without My Car challenge is part of Reading Borough Council's strategy to get commuters to find alternative methods of travel to work. A council spokeman told us: "Last year was a great success. The roads were empty and Reading Borough Council employees had a clear road to work. We're thinking of holding more of them during the year."

Premier Parking Services will also be doing their bit to ensure more Reading drivers find themselves in town without their car by doubling the capacity of their car pound in Swindon for the day.

Hello and welcome to the local weather sponsored by Reading Conservatives.

Our prospects today will be over optimistically bright and sunny with an 80% chance that I am wrong. There will be early morning fog. Things will be particularly dense in Peppard although not due to the fog. I can also predict that such ridicule of our councillors will see a storm of self-righteous indignation. Remember to keep your wallets and purses shut tightly because with Alistair Darling in charge you won't see any change in the weather. Around the station the persistent persecution of mini-cab drivers will be followed by hailing taxis. With hot air pushing in from Caversham Heights I advise you to watch out for poodles in the road.

Tomorrow. will see more Tories from Wokingham being selected as future Conservative candidates for Reading, and if my observation of the windbags is any indication, you can expect a hopeless shower.

Reading Borough Council planners have had the last laugh over the proposed move of the Fun 'n' Frolics business to Richfield Avenue. An original outline decision to refuse change use of their new location to A1 planning permission threatened the viability of the business according to its owners, but a seeming change of heart saw the council's planning committee approve the officer recommened change.

A spokeman for the planning department told us: "The balloon really went up when this hit the press, but we were only clowning about. We were going to let them move in anyway. Can't they take a joke?"

Whitley Street has been singled out as a failing shopping centre after the HSBC Bank decided to close its doors. A bank spokesman explained: "There just aren't enough customers to justify keeping the branch open, so to stick two fingers up the the long queues the form at the cash machine at weekends we're taking that away as well."

Local Labour activists told us that this was the obvious consequence of electing Liberal Democrats. Local businessman John Howarth of Southampton Street told us: "We did warn you in our election literature that if you elected a Lib Dem, house prices would plummet, shops would close and the puppy would get it." Former resident Jim Hanley told of how he had fled from Katesgrove to the Labour Party retirement village of Caversham to get away from the constant bombardment of focus leaflets whilst a local Librarian told us: "The decline of this parade was inevitable, I've not used any of these shops since May."

Reading Residents will get the chance to sit in on a series of public hearings to determine whether a redevelopment plan for the town is approved. A government appointed official will scrutinise The Reading Area Action Plan, comprising proposals for central Reading up to the year 2026.

The inspector will be looking at council plans to rename the town Tescopolis-on Thames, proposals for an Anschluss with Woodley and Lower Earley to support another bid for city status and the annexation of the Redgrave-Pinsett rowing lake.

You are an Evening Post reporter and you're covering the Inter-Faith Walk. In attendance are the Bishop of Reading, The Mayor of Reading Peter Beard, a Rabbi, a Swami and scores of people from all faiths. Your chums in the Labour Party aren't doing too well at the moment, so it is your job to gratuitously mention Anneliese Dodds twice.

So let's all play... ???WHERE'S DODDY???

Reading's bin men faced accusations of racism after being seen driving through town with a golliwog attached to the front of their bin lorry. Horrified passers-by told of their shock at seeing the two foot high mascot. "My reaction was one of complete shock and disbelief. It is the sort of thing you would see in the 1960s but I thought we had all grown up a bit now," said 40-year-old Mr Rhodes.

The binmen have denied the charges and blamed it on the town's excessive levels of air-borne pollution. "It was white when we left the depot," they told us.

Quickie quiz: We've heard that one councillor still owns a golliwog. Can you guess who it is?

Royal Berkshire Hospital has announced the start of a revolutionary wi-fi system to help with patient care. Signals can be transmitted throughout the hospital to wireless enabled PDAs to allow doctors and consultants to view essential medical data without having to plug in to the network. The information is zapped instantly around the building via wireless transmitters allowing access from anywhere in the hospital. Doctors and nurses in the Intensive Care Unit, Clinical Decisions Unit and Hopkins Ward will be piloting the system before it is installed across the whole of the hospital.

Mobile phones on the other hand are not allowed in wards, where calls from the bedside cost from just 26p a minute (minimum call charge is 40p) and calls to the bedside cost 39p per minute off-peak and 49p at all other times (off peak rates are 6pm - 8am Mon to Fri and all weekends, peak rates apply at other times).

A Muslim radiographer has resigned from the Royal Berks hospital over a "bare below the elbows" hygiene policy. The NHS dress code was introduced in January to combat superbugs such as MRSA. The trust said the policy was explained when she first began work.

We asked the radiographer to explain her reasons for quiting and she told us: "I did it as a protest against the Iraq War. For too long Britain has followed slavishly the path of the warmongers in the United States. I think someone had to stand up against the Americanisation of the National Health Service. Adopting the second amendment of the right to bare arms was one step too far."

Office of Rob Wilson MP (Reading East)

Salary: In line with Parliamentary pay scales which means a pittance. We aren't going to give you any hints so make us a ludicrously low starting offer.

Job Specification:

• Attending local events with Rob which may, according to our definition of local, be in Henley or Maidenhead
• Drafting a continuous stream of anodyne press releases
• Reading local newspapers and websites to check that nothing horrible has been said about our beloved leader or Rob Wilson and firing off threatening emails if necessary
• Making the tea for Rob’s Parliamentary Aide or any visiting REMF

Person Specification:

• Educated to Eton, Harrow or equivalent
• Ability to communicate effectively with very rich people
• Excellent written English ability, so none of you Madejski Academy oiks
• Self-motivated, enthusiastic and able to do the work of the whole team
• Good IT skills because Lord knows we need someone with some
• Passionate about politics and restoration of white minority rule in Zimbabwe
• Knowledge of UK Immigration Laws would be desirable so that we can kick the bastards out of the country

This role would particularly suit a recent graduate who is stupid enough to work for peanuts.

Please DO NOT apply if you are hoping to work in Westminster as this job is solely based in the constituency and you will be shackled to the desk. Gimp mask not provided.

Closes Friday, 12 September 2008, though we may appoint before the closing date if someone dumb enough is found.

Former Labour councillor John Howarth has warned of another Hillsborough unless immediate action is taken by the council against organisers of the Reading Festival. Mr. Howarth, who is well versed in disasters after plotting the One-Way IDR and Labour's loss of control of the council, told readers in his fortnightly Evening Post column that unless the festival was taken into RBC control a major catastrophe was unavoidable. He warned of body bags and hundreds of deaths if the festival continued to play 'loud rock music', raging out of control fires if the price of a sausage in a bagette wasn't reduced to less than £6 as people resorted to guerilla barbeques and famine if a future festival was to run out of wholegrain pitta and falafels.

Mr. Howarth defended his column from accusations that he was making sick comparisons to gain attention, but admitted that since he lost access to a free ticket that he hasn't attended the event and was just making it all up. "However, I stand by my words. It's quite clear that Festival Republic are inexperienced at running such events. As far as I'm aware, they only run Reading, Leeds, Latitude, Glastonbury, Summerfest and Rise Festivals and are in desperate need of being guided through the corridors of putting on such high profile events by an expert such as myself. In fact it's about time that more of the organising was placed in the hands of Reading Borough Council. Failing that the only alternative I can see that would work would be for the council to run another festival so that assorted hangers on can get more freebies."