Reading Borough Council chiefs have slammed moves by Eric Pickles to remove the right to fine people for putting the wrong rubbish into recycling bins.

A leaked secret budget report has revealed the plans by the Labour administration to pay for their increased spending by fining residents for disposing of:

• Plastic bottles with sodium metabisulphate in the ingredients list
• Lib Dem focus leaflets
• Aluminium cans with more than 5ml of residual Tennants Super
• Heinz tin cans unless they are one of the original 57 varieties

The Government announcement has caused panic amongst officers who are now drawing up emergency plans to make up the shortfall caused by Mr. Pickles announcement.

Plans are now afoot to fill the consequent £3.5 million hole in the Council's finances and to compensate the Labour administration have brought forward plans to fine residents who walk across bus lanes, leave dog excrement in bins containing material that forensic tests prove to be digested Cesar dog food and who fly-tip in the silos of the Smallmead civic amenity site..

An additional emergency budget item will also see the introduction of a £10 processing fee for residents who write letters of complaint to the council.

We asked the Council Leader for her comments and she told us: "Why ask me? Whatever Mr Orton said."

It's apparently not just the Reading & District Labour Labour Party who expect everyone else to clear up after their mess. The unions appear to expect Streetcare to clear up their rubbish as well!

Doesn't the council have a policy for fining people abusing the public refuse bins?

[Photo: Civic Car Park Midday 01/12/2011]

[After thinking about it for a few moments, it's pretty much Labour's old message as well.]

UNIVERSITY AREA STUDY

Special Report for Labour Group

Dear Jan,

Thank you for your email to Highways entitled "Venice is Magic" received 31st October at 20:21.

Although we couldn't fathom out why you would want to do this, attached are the costs for turning Redlands into the Venice of Reading as you requested. We have also worked into the proposals Spray and Display charges you asked for to offset the costs. They come with a stern warning that flooding the ward like you wish could lead to a whole raft of problems

We have also prepared the orders to rename Eldon Square St. Marx Square.

Regards, RBC Highways Department

Dear Mick

"I wonder if you have a picture of Martin Salter appearing in a picture that the Reading Chronicle don't have to desperately run around trying to get the subject of the picture having to sign off retrospective permission slips."

Jane Sthewon

I can't see any children published without their parents pemission in this one.

If readers have any other pictures of local politicians they would like to see printed please get in touch at letters@muckspreading.com

Dear muckspReading

"I was dismayed to hear that our beloved Martin Salter may have had his phone hacked ironically, given where he has been hiding out, by an Aussie. Are there any pictures of him celebrating discovering that he was not important enough to warrant such a disgraceful intrusion into his private conversations?"

Margaret Main 

We have checked with our paparazzi and discovered this picture of Martin in good spirits in RISC.

If readers have any other pictures of local politicians they would like printed please get in touch at letters@muckspreading.com

Muckspreading has managed to hack into Jan Gavin's Flickr account and found more evidence of her unhealthy obsession with Daisy Benson.

We asked the orthographically challenged ex-teacher for her comments and she told us: "If only I had thought of the right words I could have hold on to your heart. If only I'd thought of the right words I wouldn't be breaking apart all my pictures of you."

You can find more of Jan's pictures at: Jan Spotting

John Ennis, Lead Councillor for Education and Children's Services, has spoken out about the perilous state of Reading's schools after he was quoted in an official council press release saying:

"Its great that Reading's schools have been received this funding from Arts Council England. Its important that children learn through creative project like this and I am sure the new outdoor learning space will be a great asset to the school." [Artistic Approach to Teaching]

After the grammatically challenged Council press release was revealed, Cllr Ennis was overheard speaking to colleagues and telling them that perhaps Labour's amendment to a Tory motion at last week's full council meeting was a little premature and that Reading needed to increase the number of grammar schools in order to teach councillors grammar. He also suggested that as well as more grammar schools, some spelling schools wouldn't go amiss.

A chastened John Ennis told us: "I've been given a damn good spanking by Labour's new strict headmistress Jan Gavin about me not speaking proper. Kept me in after class and smacked my knuckles with a ruler."

Labour's cut backs in the publicity department have also caused consternation among council staff after the use of apostrophes was banned in order to save ink. One unnamed staff member told us: "its terrible. dont they no wot effect itll has been on the quality of councils press releases?"

Donations to the Reading East and Reading West CLP on the Electoral Commission web site shows that in March £3,000 was donated by an unincorporated association that lists its address as:

Civic Centre
Reading
RG1 7AE

Yes, the Reading  Labour Group really does think that it owns the Council.

It was always suspected that this would happen but now there is official confirmation from www.reading.gov.uk that Reading Labour Party has killed off the council.

From the website www.reading.gov.uk at 9am on 14 June 2011:

Last week's agenda for Cabinet which according to the council's constitution has to be published five working days before the meeting consisted almost entirely of items "To follow" to allow the Labour Group to get items through without any public scrutiny.

As a public service Mick Spreader has rummaged in the bins outside the print room and found a more up to date copy.

The commemorative photographs of Reading's Mayor making have just been released.

muckspReading's photographer gets exclusive access to Gul Khan getting ready for the Borough Council's Annual Meeting.

Princess Melanie, Salacious B White and Jobba the Hutt meet to sign their agreement for the Greens to roll over on their backs and waggle their arms and legs in the air in exchange for bugger all.

Notes for Editors:

From Readipedia:

Jobba the Hutt

Jobba the Hutt exempliefies lust, greed, and gluttony. The character is known throughout Reading as a "vile gangster" who amuses herself by torturing and humiliating her subjects and enemies. She surrounds herself with scantily-brained lackies of all species, chaining many of them to her husband. 

Reading & District Labour Party are preparing their final push before the local elections.

An insider revealed:

"It's been a disappopinting campaign so far with our traditional barefaced lies not working as well as we hoped on the doorstep. However, we've just taken delivery of hundreds of dog whistles so our supporters will be staying up all night to learn the drill ready for election day.

"We have the old tried and tested smears well rehearsed, from plain old 'racist' to accusing opponents of being 'perverts'. The classics will always have a place in our pantheon. But this year we've decided to branch out and go for the Asian vote with straight forward homophobia. If it's looking too close to call, we've also got a set of paedophile taunts up our sleeve. You can never go too low if you want to win.

"On your dog whistle... ready... get set..."

For those less mobile, a postal vote counting party will be held in Redlands.

Reading Labour Party have been questioned about their manifesto commitments.

A CommonLibGreenCon AVE! spokesperson said: "How can anyone take their election commitments seriously when they even can't spell it let alone have any."

Opponents are now demanding that Labour admit that John Howarth, the man from Public Impact, architect of the one way IDR, the coward of Park ward and printer of cut price Labour leaflets comes clean and confirms that he's still pulling the strings behind the scenes.

If that is not the case the opposition are demanding an apology from Andy Burnham the Labour shadow minister for education during his visit to the town for the poor standards of education in Reading after 23 years of Labour control.

 One Labour insider told us: "We wouldn't mind the ridicule, but Public Impact charge us for proof-reading services".

For those of you who can't get enough of the local election campaign, muckspReading launches an invaluable service for local politicos and gossip seekers.

Rummaging around in the bins in Windsor Square we appear to have found an early draft of the Reading & District Labour Party's local election manifesto.

Beware of imitators.

Download PDF >> RLP Manifesto First Draft

Great evening canvassing on Hexham, lots of vote labour posters up and a great community atmosphere on the streets in the sunshine #rdg
8:33PM 20th April

• Lots of free parking
• Lots of money for the Pakistani community if they vote Labour
• Lots of money for nursery places
• Lots of money for universities
• Lots of new aircraft carriers
• Lots of new secondary schools
• Lots of money for RCRE (No questions asked)
• Lots of council tax money for poor hard up union officials (Are you sure about this? Ed)
• Free jet packs for all

The old and vulnerable have been told to look out for a gang of con-artists who have been seen wandering around central Reading peddling their wares.

Community groups have discovered that they have been cold calling on residents and have caused considerable alarm and distress to hundreds of people by telling them the sky is falling in and other scarey stories. If this fails they are also known to resort to begging for the fare for their long bus journey home to the other side of Reading.

Police have warned that they have a new scam in operation. "They steal things from you during the night then turn up at your front door, sympathising with your loss of money, blame it on travellers, then try to sell it back to you."

Grifter Warning

How to tell if you are being lied to - simply look for these tell tale signs:

Reading Labour Party have exposed plans they say they have discovered to demolish Caversham and Reading Bridges.

Tony Page, Reading Labour's caretaker leader whilst Jo Lovelock is unavoidably detained in a box until the local elections are over, told us:

"I heard a Lib Dem councillor mention it in a pub. I can't tell you his name because I might have just made it up like most of the things I say, but this pre-election stunt to destroy our chances in Katesgrove are reprehensible and indicative of just how desperate they are.

"It is a deliberate attempt to prevent our candidate getting to meetings in Katesgrove and no doubt linked in with their plans to remove traffic lights to supposedly cure the gridlock they say I created which will hit the poor hardest. When you link this ill-thought out plan to another of their plans that I just made up to introduce parking meters in every street you get evidence of a disgraceful attempt to get money from Labour candidates to pay for local service improvements and I will be opposing it with every line of bullshit I can muster."

Reading Labour Party have hit back at public criticism of Ed Miliband taking credit for American civil rights, the end of apartheid, the fall of the Berlin wall and the scrapping of the one way IDR.

They have released these photos to prove he was fully entitled to claim credit:

• Cost of a buffet lunch for members at the Reading Borough Unison AGM - £400
• Cost of funding Labour's campaign in 15 wards - £12,000
• Cost of funding a "non-political" campaign against the bastard Tories and their Lib Dem Quislings out of the General Political Fund - £20,000
• £89,000 annual payment for three full time union officials - PRICELESS.

There are somethings money can't buy.  For everything else, there's Council Tax.

Mick would like to say a big thanks to his loyal readers over the last two years. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I have had writing it.

Unfortunately it is not possible for me to continue writing satirical stories so I'm signing off whilst on a high. The decision to do so is mine and purely mine alone.

Many thanks to the members of opposition groups and council employees who have been very supportive of the basic idea behind muckspReading over the years even if they didn't like every joke and for your emails of support. A big wet raspberry to those with a collective sense of humour failure who haven't... I know who you are.

The stories will be edited down to a 'best of' compilation and left online, as well as a few of the supporting pages such as the Reading Traffic Sign writer.

Since muckspReading was set up, Reading now has a burgeoning local blog network so hopefully someone else will take up the mantle of poking fun at the pompous, the smug and the jobsworths of Reading and continue to expose lies and hypocrisy where they see it. Don't leave it to the press!

I do hope that Jane hasn't been posting "Adult Content".

Do something for democracy...

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