Peter Jones is in trouble with University authorities after admitting during a full council meeting that many of his students couldn't read or write properly. A student spokesperson told us: "Well, whose fault is that then? He's the lecturer and he's obviously doing a crap job if he can say that."

The Assistant Lead Councillor for Education & Lifelong Learning was speaking against moves by the Student Union to have a ballot box placed on the University campus. A Labour-Tory pact carried the day and the move was rejected. Another University employee, Labour leader David Sutton said: "Well, so many of our policies are the same nowadays, it only makes sense to co-operate with the Tories now. Anyway, I work with students all day, lazy little feckless buggers. Why should we make it any easier for them to vote? In fact, we're going to demolish one of the polling stations they currently use to teach them a lesson for trying to introduce democracy to Reading."