An investigation into a drunken pub crawl by the University football team has identified failings within the University as well as censuring the football society. Marauding students trashed Zizzi restaurant before moving on to Ha! Ha! Bar – where one drunken student urinated over the bar whilst others vomited and stole crisps.

The internal report cited 'inexperienced' bar staff as a contributory factor. "We had taken on extra people to cope with Freshers' Week and it would appear that one member of staff at Bar 360 did not have sufficient experience of serving alcohol to students. I have to say that his CV looked good, Postman, bin man, teaching assistant and a council graffiti cleaner, but we should have been a little more cautious about taking him on when he said his day job was being an MP."