Middle East Peace Envoy Tony Blair cut the tape to officially open the Lord Madejski of Whitley (pending) Academy yesterday. Selected guests loudly applauded the former Prime Minister when he arrived 45 minutes late after he was delayed by security officers looking for non-existent weapons of mass destruction he'd told them were in the basement.

Mr Madejski, who donated £8 million towards the £28 million school, showed him to the stage. However, Mr. Blair strenuously denied that with all the scandals involving under the counter payments to the Labour party that funding government policies was simply a way around cash for honours. He told reporters: "Honours reward people who contribute to society, contributing to the education of disadvantaged kids in the inner cities is about as good a contribution to society I can think of." Good news is therefore expected for Reading in the New Year's honours list.

Mr Blair, who successfully continued 18 years of Tory Government by rebranding Labour, told youngsters: "My passion has always been for education. If I had not had a lot of lucky breaks and a glorous private education at Fettes I would not have gone on to be Prime Minister. But I'm more realistic about your chances in Whitley. Not everyone can get out of this dump like Ricky Gervais, so you should aim proportionately lower. Seek jobs in the community, work in hospitals or become teachers. Sweep the streets or, if you really have no self-respect, become a politician."