Political Opponents have united in a 'Keep Salter Out' campaign. Rob Wilson, Anneliese Dodds and Gareth Epps have joined forces to ask for a permanent wall to be erected between Reading East and West to keep the geographically challenged MP in his own constituency.

Rob Wilson MP told us: "He comes over here and he takes my jobs. I've warned him once before about it, but he said he'd get this geezer from the Alexandra Road mosque to sort me out if I carried on complaining." Anneliese Dodds added: "He told me that if I agreed with everything he said he'd leave me alone, but every time I open the local papers there's his grinning mug learing out at me. I thought I was meant to be the face of Labour in Reading East. I can't handle it any more. I'm going to ask Billericay if they'll have me back."

Gareth Epps was more scathing in his attack on the guitar toting MP. "Not only does he insist on campaigning for something that isn't even in his constituency, but if you look closely at the Jail Guitar Doors publicity photo, you can clearly see Salter is miming. I suspect that John Howarth is out of shot playing his chords for him."