In a shock move, the BBC has announced that David Tennant will be leaving Doctor Who after the Christmas special. A BBC Spokesman told us: "David told us it was his lifetime's ambition to appear with Kylie and now was an ideal time for a change. We started to look around immediately for a complete unknown and we'd heard that a talented character actor was suddenly available at very short notice. Then when we asked the people of Redlands what they thought of Peter Kayes and they all replied 'Peter who?' we all agreed that he was ideal for the role."

Pictured here with his new glamorous assistant, Anneliese, he remarked, "You know, I love having a time machine: I can pop back to 1997 when Labour were popular and the Council actually emptied the bins. Plus the sonic screwdriver comes in handy for drowning out Anneliese when she gets too shrill or starts talking rubbish - which is pretty much all the time."