Plans to transform Reading into a modern and exciting 21st Century city have been unveiled for public inspection. The Reading Central Area Action Plan (RCAAP) will promote Reading's booming town centre as a top-class location for business, retail, leisure and culture.

Councillor Tom Crisp, the council's lead member for planning and transport, read out from a statement prepared for him by the council's PR department: "These are genuinely exciting proposals for the centre of our town. We will have hover-bikes and children will go to school using jet packs. People will live in mile high skyscrapers and food will be supplied free for everyone by the Government of Tesco. We will only have to work for 10 hours a week, there will be robots to do all the house work for us and everyone will be able to have their summer holidays in communes on the moon."

Tom Crisp is stepping down as councillor for Battle ward in May because he needs a bit of a rest after getting a bit over excitable.