muckspReading has been leaked an embargoed copy of the final Transport Commission report ahead of its publication on Tuesday and we can exclusively bring you some of its recommendations.

• Free jet packs for school children to cut down on the school run traffic.
• A fifth Thames Bridge: can't have enough Thames bridges.
• A 3 way IDR: clockwise, anti-clockwise and stationary.
• An east-west car tunnel under the town using the already started tunnel at Field Road.
• Introduction of Oyster type smart cards and an complete underground system to use them on.
• Replacement of all Reading buses with amphibious DUKWs to allow crossing of the Thames where ever they should damn well want to.
• Reintroduction of trams using the existing tram lines in Fobney Street.
• Rerouting of all buses to ensure that they pass at least one Tesco.
• Relocation of all town centre amenities to Pru-Town at Green Park and a corresponding a park and ride scheme to take people from the town centre car parks there.
• A Zeppelin port on the new civic offices, which will allow lighter than air (LTA) craft to use the hot air generated during council minutes as a lifting aid.

Members of the public will be able to read the full report on July 1st 2008.