Rob Wilson MP demonstrated his common touch in the run up to Christmas Day by popping into his local butchers to pick up his festive fayre. He told the waiting press photographer: "I think everyone should pay a visit to their local victuallers and stock up on pheasant, duck, goose and quail this festive season. Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas without the traditional three-bird-roast that no-one has eaten in living memory but that my good chum Antony Worral-Tory told us is the must have meal this Christmas. At 500 calories a portion it is just as nutrious as a McDonalds. I've just had a great idea to abolish means tested benefits which I've passed onto my chum Cameron. There's a simpler way of weeding out work shy slackers without all that form filling and beaurocracy. If you have to buy a frozen turkey from Tesco then it's back to the workhouse for you. Hoorah! Toodle Pip!"

Martin Salter has hit out at the elitist ramblings from the Tories. He told us: "Bah Humbug! Sending the poor back to workhouses is our idea. But if a three bird roast is good enough for Jordan and Peter Andre, then it's good enough for my constituents. So if anyone in Coley Park fancies a bit of pheasant on Christmas Day, just give me a call and I'll bang a few for you."