Tom Crisp has welcomed the Independent Traffic Commissioner's recommendation for a one way cycle lane out of town. The lead councillor for transport has been forced to quit after being reported to the council by taxi drivers for stopping his cycle on double yellow lines whilst he withdrew cash from the CO-OP. A 'Save Tom Crisp' campaign came too late to save him from Labour cuts and he is scheduled to close in early May.

Mr. Crisp is to be replaced by Gul Khan who is standing on a platform of driving mini-cabs off the streets and massive increases in taxi fares for himself and his friends. In a hurried press release he said: "I am pleased and honoured to be joining the strong team in [please insert name here] ward. I am sure that I can help contribute to represent all people in the [Mr. Howarth can you pick a suitable area for me?] community."

Voters in Battle ward have cautiously welcomed the news. "That nice Mr. Khan said he'd drive me to the polling station in his taxi for free. A lot nicer than that young Mr. Crisp. I kept falling off his handlebars."