Microsoft have given backing to a new initiative by Reading East MP Rob Wilson, the Portcullis Business Club.

Tory Shadow Chancellor George Osbourne told a packed audience of freeloading hacks: "Microsoft are the perfect match for the Conservative business community. In fact the parallels between Microsoft and the Tories are uncanny. Their product promises are overblown; they often fall over with no warning; if you don't have enough money for top of the range hardware they don't want to know you; like railway privatisation they can cost a fortune to put right when the system screws up; when you look under the bonnet it's exactly the same as the old system you thought you were replacing. And exactly like the Conservatives they believe that by spending more money on marketing rather than on improving the underlying product, they can get you to vote for them with your wallet. Suckers!"