Reading Borough Council has revealed that it has been working with Thames Valley Energy Centre in Oxfordshire to draft a Climate Change Strategy for Reading.

However, a closer look at the plans reveals the true nature of the scheme. An unnamed mole in the Environmental Services department told us: "It is true that councillors are concerned about the effects of global warming on the town, but don't be fooled - it's not because of concern about the environment. They may look like wind turbines, but in actual fact they are huge fans being sited near councillors' homes, so that when global warming really takes off,  they'll be able to switch them on and have a nice cooling breeze during their barbeques and soirees."

A more sinister use for the Green Park turbine has also been discovered after a secret control room at the Civic Offices was found by cleaners. We can reveal that the sewage treatment plant next to the A33 relief road has been designed so that the onion shaped effluent digesters can be opened and the Whitley Whiff directed to any part of the town refusing to obey council directives by adjusting the direction of the blades.