Martin Salter has spoken defiantly after a bill supporting MPs’ exemption from the Freedom of Information Act failed to find a single supporter in the House of Lords and faces being killed off. However, the MP for Reading East and West appears to have found a way to push through the legislation despite the damage to his credibility that it has caused.

“I’m not prepared to see this bill falter after fighting tooth and nail to sneak it through and as my position as an MP is looking decidedly dodgy at the next election, I’ve had a word with him up above and he’s kindly agreed to ennoble me (or at least it sounded like ‘ennoble’) in the Resignation Honours List. That way I can protect myself from snooping journalists and not have to worry about facing the wrath of the electorate. I’ll see if the Communication Workers Union can bung me some money for Lord Levy’s administration ‘expenses’. I think Lord Salter of Scours Lane sounds good.”