The assault case involving Tory councillor Wazir Hussain and Saeed Iqbal, vice chairman of Reading’s Pakistani Community Centre, has collapsed as the Crown Prosecution Service withdrew its case after all the key witnesses refused to testify. The local Reading Pakistani Community Association has denied putting pressure on the witnesses to keep the matter out of the courts.

Mr Hussain commenting on the withdrawal of the case read from a prepared statement on Reading Taxi Association headed notepaper: "I forgive for the good of the Muslim community as a whole and now wish to put the entire matter behind me. I would like to make it quite clear that I walked into a door and accidentally punched myself several times. It was an accident and I apologise for ever insinuating that such a fine upstanding pillar of the community such as Mr. Iqbal was capable of such thuggery. Was that okay?"

The editor would like to apologise for wimping out of publishing the originally scripted gag, but he'd be useless in a fight.