Local gangs have eschewed knives and are taking up carrying pies after a landmark case saw a man aquitted for shoving a meat pie into his friend's face. Robert Kite was on a night out with a couple of tarts when Craig Davis was said to have attacked him with a hot sausage roll. Mr. Davis was cleared after claiming that Mr. Kite's version of events was a load of pork pies.

A Thames Valley Police spokesperson told us: "Pie crime is a massive problem in this town. Kids always want to look harder than their mates and often after being ridiculed for carrying puff pastry pies they will move onto carrying a sawn-off shortcrust or more worryingly concealed meat hidden in their choux."

People worried by pie crime are being urged by former Mayor Chris Maskell to hand in their weapons as part of his Borough wide Pie Amnesty. Simply take your pies along to the Civic Offices in leave them in the box marked: FAO: Chris Maskell where they will be safely disposed off.