Tony Page has denied that he invited Jack Straw to Reading for a tour of Newtown in a bid to distract the media's attention away from an Audit Commission report published this morning that gives Reading Borough Council only a one star rating for community safety.

The Abbey ward Councillor told us: "It's ridiculous to suggest that I have invited him here to draw a veil over it. Jack is a dear friend of mine and he said he'd be only be too happy to stick his head in the sand with me and pretend that all we've done is to move the dealers around the corner. But whilst he's here we're going to perform a quick sweep for Weapons of Mass Destruction. They must be here somewhere, Jack tells me he's certain of it."

When we pressed the Chair of the Safer Reading Forum on the Audit Commission's findings he admitted: "You always take the negative out of any situation. If you read the report carefully you'll see that the poor value for money and high crime rate suffered in Reading means that we are delighted to have been awarded a 'promising' rating for Prospects for Improvement. Let's face it, things could hardly get any worse." At this point Mr. Page had to leave to prevent Martin Salter from stealing his guest from under his nose.