Top Terror suspect

Police have warned people to be on the look out for dangerous terrorists on the loose in Reading after three Al-Gila members were caught acting suspiciously on the banks of the Loddon.

Local MP Martin Salter told us: "These people are dangerous. They wander the pathways and riverbanks of England with devices that are designed with only one thing in mind... to kill. Peter Clarke, who was until recently the head of Scotland Yard’s counter terrorism command, told me about an investigation that in 2004 had arrested a number of terrorist suspects, saying: 'They were minutes away from releasing a net full of fish. Two years later, they pleaded guilty to catching fish for the pot.' You can see the kind of warped minds we are dealing with here. We may have to curtail civil liberties to keep my stretch of the bank free, but it's a lot better to clamp down on innocent people than not illegally invading Iraq in the first place."

Mr Salter has urged people to be vigilant: "If you see anyone wandering around with a fibreglass poles and nets, please report them to your nearest policeman where they will be fingerprinted, DNA swabbed and added to our database of the British public in preparation for Gordon Brown's plans to embed a GPS tracker in everyone. I shall be demanding that anyone else caught in a similar situation should be locked up for 42 days to protect the public. Oh crap! Officer, don't you know who I am?"