Whitley Street has been singled out as a failing shopping centre after the HSBC Bank decided to close its doors. A bank spokesman explained: "There just aren't enough customers to justify keeping the branch open, so to stick two fingers up the the long queues the form at the cash machine at weekends we're taking that away as well."

Local Labour activists told us that this was the obvious consequence of electing Liberal Democrats. Local businessman John Howarth of Southampton Street told us: "We did warn you in our election literature that if you elected a Lib Dem, house prices would plummet, shops would close and the puppy would get it." Former resident Jim Hanley told of how he had fled from Katesgrove to the Labour Party retirement village of Caversham to get away from the constant bombardment of focus leaflets whilst a local Librarian told us: "The decline of this parade was inevitable, I've not used any of these shops since May."