Hello and welcome to the local weather sponsored by Reading Conservatives.

Our prospects today will be over optimistically bright and sunny with an 80% chance that I am wrong. There will be early morning fog. Things will be particularly dense in Peppard although not due to the fog. I can also predict that such ridicule of our councillors will see a storm of self-righteous indignation. Remember to keep your wallets and purses shut tightly because with Alistair Darling in charge you won't see any change in the weather. Around the station the persistent persecution of mini-cab drivers will be followed by hailing taxis. With hot air pushing in from Caversham Heights I advise you to watch out for poodles in the road.

Tomorrow. will see more Tories from Wokingham being selected as future Conservative candidates for Reading, and if my observation of the windbags is any indication, you can expect a hopeless shower.