January
- After John Madejski agrees to shell out cash for a Government academy in
Whitley, Martin Salter ignores the cash for honours scandals and begs for the
Reading Chairman to be given a Knighthood.
- In the Big Brother house, a race row breaks out at the Conservative party
annual general meeting after Isobel Ballsdon is called “Cornish Pasty Face”
and Fred Pugh refuses to remove his ceremonial white pointy hat.
- Martin Salter asks Reading Borough Council to use council taxpayers’ money
to organise an event for him. Council bends over backwards to comply.
23 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office
February
- Fred Pugh writes the longest suicide note in local politics by saying he
will stand down if local councillors don’t elect him mayor.
- Anneliese Dodds petitions to ban street drinking in Redlands. Fellow Labour
Party members’ sign petition to ban drinking at Labour Party gatherings.
- A colossal squid is found in the murky waters of Sutton and Cheam trying
to wrap its tentacles around the Reading Conservative Association.
20 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office.
March
- Against all the rules, local MP Rob Wilson sends out Tory local election
material at taxpayers’ expense.
- Terry Wogan apologises for mistakenly announcing Steve Waite as the winner
of the Reading-Vision Pong contest after he backed alternative weekly collections.
- Rik Willis threatens to sue Lib Dems for libel after being accused of being
a Tory candidate.
- Anneliese Dodds is released in time for Easter by extremists who have been
keeping her locked in an attic after straying into the territorial waters of
a General Committee of Reading Labour Party monthly meeting by mistake.
33 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office plus one wrap around
advert on the Reading Evening Post featuring Councillor Tony Jones.
April
- Reading
Labour Party Borough Council issue press release defending alternate
weekly collections after discovering a member of staff had a university
project that proved that eating two week old food waste was safer than a Bernard
Matthew’s turkey.
- It is a bird? Is it a plan? Scientists discover a mineral, with the chemical composition ID3R2, that makes people
who think they are indestructible as weak as a kitten.
- After years in exile, an Asian Tory candidate for Park ward is beaten up
at Alexandra Road mosque by the vice chair of the Pakistani Community Association.
Mr. Hussein claims he was punched but the PCA disagreed and said he hit his
head on a car roof. Newtown declares a state of emergency.
28 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office.
May
- Reading Apathy Party call for disproportional representation after picking
up 69% of the vote and failing to get a single seat.
- After claiming to have voted against the Iraq War when he didn’t, Martin
Salter continues being economical with the actualité by issuing a press release
saying that he has made an official complaint to the Information Commissioner
about Reading Borough Council when he hasn’t.
- An appeal is made for the safe return of Katesgrove Councillor David Sutton
after he goes missing campaigning in a neighbouring ward.
24 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office.
June
- Local Tories hold a minute’s silence for Bernard Manning.
- Senior council officers are sent an email warning them to delete anything
they would not like to see released under the Freedom of Information Act. An
FoI request asking to see the email warning officers to delete emails is met
with the response that the email has been deleted.
30 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office.
July
- Tories promise comprehensive transport review
- A Reading Chronicle journalist is kidnapped and held hostage by Bracknell
Times extremists after interviewing Mick Spreader.
- Flooding in Pangbourne is welcomed as a massive increase in fishing facilities
by the Reading West MP.
40 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office.
August
- Tories still promise comprehensive transport review.
- Thames Valley Police announce recruitment of more Community Support Officers
claiming it will give the kids something to keep themselves busy with during their
school holidays.
26 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office.
September
- Tories are still promising comprehensive transport review
- Protests are held outside the Houses of Parliament against the expansion
of Martin Salter into Reading East.
27 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office.
October
- Tories say comprehensive transport review is nearly complete.
- Reading Comedy Festival opens as the Council holds its first meeting after
the summer break.
- After keen Harry Potter fan Paul Croft becomes a victim of ridicule over his tattoo after
JK Rowling revealed Dumbledore to be gay, Rik Willis also describes his shock at being
the butt of jokes about his Ian Smith tattoo when people point out that the
former Rhodesian Prime Minister was a racist.
- Reading Borough Council slims down communications budget after local Labour
Party offers to deliver council literature on their behalf if they are copied
in on all correspondence to opposition councillors.
53 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office.
November
- Tories comprehensive transport review to be revealed.
- Reading Borough Council’s web site is hacked and infested with viruses and
Trojans which could infect visitors PCs. Council deny that residents’ are in danger of identity fraud.
- After being holed below the water line in the icy waters of Cambridgeshire,
the captain of the vessel refuses to go down with her ship and announces she
is fleeing to Worcestershire.
- Nick Clegg refuses to stop in Reading over fears that he could be stabbed
in the back by local Liberal Democrats.
- Local Tory party caught up in political row as Rik Willis is caught supporting
a racist apartheid regime, demanding the death penalty because it saves the
taxpayer money, celebrating Edward Heath’s death and lauding General Pinochet
because at least he only killed leftie pinkos.
42 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office.
December
- Tories lose cigarette packet containing comprehensive transport review plans.
- Lead councillor for the environment Steve Waite announces that he will not
be staying to lose his seat next May. His much trumpeted anti-graffiti
squads meant that he couldn’t see the writing on the wall.
- Muckspreading banned by Council bosses.
27 Labour Party press releases from the RBC press office.